Seriously fed up with the DSC and the dog!(53 Posts)
Yesterday, DSS was supposed to take the dog on her morning walk. DH was out of town for a professional conference. I was gone from 10-3:30 at a previously arranged event. When I came back at 3:30, I passed DSS leaving the house with the dog. That means she was indoors since the night before, until half-three in the afternoon. And that she wasn't fed during that time either, since she gets fed right before the walk.
Today, it was DSD's turn to walk the dog. She went out last night, and has just come in. (I fed the dog and took her out in the garden earlier when it was clear that DSD wasn't going to get it done before noon.)
The dog was their's before I came along. The DSC are 16 and 19.
I can't take on the responsibility for the dog. I have too many other responsibilities already. At the same time, DH should not have to have sole responsibility, and really ought to be able to leave the house for a day and trust that two teenagers can handle this. And meanwhile, the poor dog is the one who suffers.
It's not a one-off, either. DSS used to do the Saturday walk every week, and it was part of the chores he earned pocket money for. About a year ago, we changed his chores to not include the dog walk, as he wasn't giving her proper walks.
I am so angry about this.
So what is DH doing about his children and his dog?
He is annoyed. But not sure how to deal with it.
He says he shouldn't have gone away this weekend. Which is sad and unreal. It's not sensible that we should never be able to rely on the kids to do what they are meant to.
Of course he should have gone away. It is ridiculous that he should even have to worry about the dog being cared for when he goes to work.
16 and 19 year olds are fully functioning members of the family and if they want the dog need to do their share of the work at a time that suits the dog, not them. A dog not being fed regularly will have fluctuations in blood sugar levels and this is no fun at all for the dog, much like when our toddlers dont eat when they should and then have meltdowns because their energies are all going haywire. This needs explained to them. It isnt fair on the dog and if they cant put it first it will have to go to someone who can.
He says he shouldn't have gone away this weekend. Which is sad and unreal. It's not sensible that we should never be able to rely on the kids to do what they are meant to
What a ridiculous notion. These "kids" are 16 and 19. Many people their ages have already moved out and got their own place, jobs and have a hell of a lot more responsibility than walking a dog.
Yes, I am worried about her developing kidney problems, too.
They each have a cat, too, for which they don't take any responsibility, so DH and I (mostly DH) feed and clean up after them.
I know that getting rid of the dog is the usual threat/solution, but it would break DH's heart - and it would be a huge nail in the coffin for my relationship with the DSC, who would blame me completely.
I think maybe the answer is that we treat her as DH's dog alone, and when he can't be here, we'll have to hire a dogwalker. Which obviously will cost money, and that would have to come from something else, maybe dinners out or takeaways, which the kids enjoy. But of course that means DD and I miss out, too, and not to mention teh total hassle and silliness of it all.
The bigger problem of course is that we can't get the teenagers to do anything and are running short of ways to reward/impose consequences, so what can we do?
I think they wouldn't really be bothered, honestly, if the dog was gone. DSD's cat went missing for a while, and she really didn't seem to give a toss. She's off to uni next year, and has started saying things like "well, really she's the family cat", to avoid any suggestions that she clean up the litter pan, etc.
I had a cat of my own until recently when he died at 13 years of age. I am still gutted and cry about him almost day...I also had a cat throughout my childhood and young adulthood, who died at 19, who I adored... I don't understand how they can be so blase about it; they don't really even show affection to the animals.
Cut the wifi off.
I like this suggestion. For how long?
Well then either DH i going to have to assume full responsibility for the dog (and the cost of a dog walker as that's what owners do) or he will have to rehome it. It might mean that broadband limit will have to be reduced though to free up the money and as DH and you pay for it then you would get priority use of the broadband.
What other issues are they not pulling their weight on? Laundry, cooking and cleaning no doubt?
Until the litter tray is empty and the dog has been out half an hour.
Brd, cut the wifi off until the specific jobs that need doing are done. Completely refuse to put it back on until then. They'll probably moan but at the end of the day reiterate what needs doing. If they can't be adult enough to take responsibility for pets that are theirs, treat them like children by limiting their internet access.
DH has been reluctant to take a hard line in the past. I think he is coming around. We've tried the wifi restrictions before, but ran into a practical problem when we couldn't properly sort the router out so that DH and I could keep access but not the kids! I think I'm at the point of getting a web geek in to set that up for us.
Yesterday I wasn't here to monitor whether things were being done or not, so I suppose that's part of it - I can't stay home to turn wireless on and off, it would have to be the other way round - no wireless unless we turn it on, rather than turning it off when they haven't done it, IYSWIM. It ends up being so much micro-management! But I think that's just where we are, and we'll have to suck it up and micro-manage if we want to see anything change.
Loads of issues with DSS - I have another thread on here now about him - and yes, not pulling their weight on anything else. Things had been better in that regard, but in the last few months it has all gone south.
It is hard to know what to do re: DSD as she is 19. She moves out in September, but in the meantime, I can't see how we could ground her and there's no financial incentive to withhold (she is independently wealthy).
Thanks, by the way - I am going to talk to DH now about the wireless.
If I turn the internet off today, now, I guarantee I will hear from DSS about how he needs it to study for GCSEs.
He was very angry that he wasn't allowed to stay home from school on Wednesday to study. Then he spent Thursday, Friday, and Saturday in bed asleep or hanging out with DSD in her room watching youtube videos.
Wifi - just change the password and don't give it to the SDC until the pets have been taken care of.
That way you can access it and they can't.
I need to get up to speed with the internet access questions! DH tells me that there is a wireless key (for the router) and this can't be changed?
The router does have a system for restricting access, where you enter the IP address of each laptop/phone and set times it isn't available, but when we have tried this it has been a mess and not worked properly, my own access started dropping in and out and I wasn't able to work myself until we turned that off. We obviously just are doing it all wrong..
Where is your computer? Is it in their rooms or in a public room? If he needs to study for GCSE's could he be monitored doing so? Again, it sounds absurd when he's 16 but as I said, if he won't act like an adult then treat him like a child.
Allow internet access provided it's for study and only if you can actually see he's using it for study and nothing else.
It's dead easy to change settings on your router ...here
I would threaten to sell the pets personally! The poor dog is being neglected!
They need to take responsibility or no dog!
The only thing with that is that you could just see it as that - just a threat so wouldn't act on it. That's why I think best course of action would be to take away something they'll really miss until their responsibilities are undertaken. From what Brd has said, if they did even follow through with the threat, they wouldn't be that bothered.
It's not fair for brd and dp to do all the work though, the dog is a special to her dp from what I can gather but if the cats aren't then I wouldn't keep them!
I agree with taking away something they need but I'm struggling to see what they might actually care about, turning wifi off wouldn't stop them using their phones to access the Internet for example...
If that were the case and they use mobile internet I'd be banning mobile usage at home too. If they can't be responsible for a loved pet then I'd make a point of saying you're not responsible enough for a mobile either. At the end of the day, they can't have their cake and eat it.
Brdgrl, who's your Internet provider and what sort of router do you have?
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