Upset about contact :(

(6 Posts)
alita7 Fri 02-May-14 16:21:43

DP and I are really quite low about this and I wanted to rant.

Dsd 3 lives with us, dsd 1 and 2 live with their (different) mum we have them eow.

Dsd 1 and 2 mum is refusing to let us have them outside of normal contact time at all, since dsd 1 said she would like to live with us (something that she doesn't want to talk about since we asked her to chat with her mum about if that's what she wanted, she came to us initially, we didn't say anything to influence it).
Over the easter holidays which totalled 20 days, she wouldn't let us have even an extra 3 days in the week.

It's dps birthday on Monday and she says they can't stay til Monday which is a bank holiday! Wtf seriously!
They absolutely had to miss our Friday night and come on Saturday morning about a month ago as it was their step sisters birthday party, now he can't have them an extra day for his birthday!

He doesn't have parental responsibility and she knows we can't afford to go to court now we've got dsd 3 here (and a baby coming but she doesn't know this yet). He's looking into getting parental responsibility atm but we've got a lot on with dsd 3 due to her ld and her statement review, and trying to sort out her school for Sept so he's a bit preoccupied. We also can't have it by Monday and it might not even make a huge amount of difference with contact.

We're both really sad about this and are worried about what will happen when the kids tell her I'm pregnant (were telling them when they come over tonight), she may be exactly the same or who knows she may get more awkward. I was hoping when I give birth to have them over ASAP afterwards to meet their sibling preferably at the same time as dsd 3 but now I can envision that unless I give birth Thursday evening/ Friday morning before contact, she'll make them wait until contact weekend.

FreeSpirit89 Fri 02-May-14 17:37:48

I'm sorry to hear about this situation you've found yourself in. No advice other than court which you've already suggested. Why not have a nice birthday dinner for you all on Sunday instead? Atleast it's something and ur dh will get to share part of the celebrations with dsc

alita7 Fri 02-May-14 18:04:52

that's the sort of thing we're planning free spirit smile It will still be nice I just think it's horrible of her to not allow them on his birthday!

wheresthelight Fri 02-May-14 23:51:17

Aww hun that is really shit!! Hope your dp isn't too upset!

I agree do something when you have the kids at the weekend.

My bigger question is why has she let dsd 3 live with you if she intends to get shitty about contact with the other 2?

Has dp tried to talk to her or perhaps get a mutual friend to mediate maybe?

alita7 Sat 03-May-14 10:38:39

dsd 3 has a different mum. I think mutual friends are long gone as dsd 1 and 2 are 11 (twins) and dp and her were together at school and for about a year after.

The only way they contact each other (they occasionally text but it usually be comes an argument) is through his parents but they worry if they got too forceful with anything that she'd cut that line of communication.

wheresthelight Sat 03-May-14 17:28:14

Would you qualify for help with court fees using the remittance form at all?

Hope you get something sorted amd happy birthday for Monday to your dp!!

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