Having been a stepmum to four for the past 20 years I naively thought I'd experienced it all - but am up against a new issue that I'm not sure how to handle - so any advice would be welcome.
So as not to dripfeed - I am a SM to four (all now in their 30s with families of their own). I was not the OW. The SC's DM left when they were in early teens and DH (who I met two years later - yes I was a glutten for punishment!) had parental responsibility.
The SC's DM is now dead - she was hands off after leaving DH and kids and any contact was sporadic and caotic. This got worse because of her health problems and the DSCs severed contact in their early 20s. She was never a GM figure to any of the SCs kids - she died when the eldest GC was two and was never in any of the DSCs lives for the previous years.
DH and I have been "stable" influence since DSCs were in their early teens. All DSC have partners and children of their own now - in spite of their problems they managed to all go to university, get good jobs and find caring and supportive partners and we are very proud of them.
DH and I have a child of our own who is very much seen as a full sibling to the other kids (despite age gap). I'm mentioning this so you know I have experience of "having my own kids". My DC is now 16.
Since my youngest grand child (step) has been born(9 years ago) I have been fairly hands-on - happy to have over at weekends, for special occassions, sleep-overs etc... Never been an issue.
To clarify I have two step daughters (with four kids between them) and two step sons (with two kids between them).
My problem (if it is one) - is that the DM of my latest grandchild (step I know - not presuming anything!) is very wary of me looking after him.
Now this is her first child (18 months old now) and I fully understand any reluctance to trust others. However I get the impression that she thinks that because I am not the child's "natural grand mother" I am not to be trusted.
My question is, is this a normal MIL reaction - her DH is my DS. Is this standard fayre for the "mothers" of boys?
She comes from a very stable and loving family (and therefore has no experience of "extended" families). This is her family's first grandchild and obviously her DM and DF are very much involved.
I think she thinks that becasue her Ds is not "natuarally" my GS (which he isn't and I wouldn't argue with) that I do not care as much as if there was a natural family bond - does that make sense?
Has anyone been in this situation - any advice on how to handle - or is this "normal" DIL/MIL dynamic?
Thanks for reading this far!
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Step-parenting
Question for older (ish) stepmums
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peppersquint · 26/04/2014 22:41
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