Things are so nice during the week!

(103 Posts)
yoyo27 Thu 17-Apr-14 12:08:35

As I type this I have my own children playing in the garden, two step children upstairs doing their own thing. Tried to involve them downstairs but they don't want to. Fiancé has popped into town.

I hate having them here

alita7 Sat 19-Apr-14 22:20:42

It's because the attention is fixed on someone else, just let her be huffy and spoil your son, then spoil her on her birthday smile
dsd struggles when the attention is on her sisters, it's very hard to deal with!

yoyo27 Sat 19-Apr-14 22:43:22

Yes that is exactly what I did. Bless him, he had a fab day!! X

shey02 Thu 24-Apr-14 10:52:19

Yeh, I'm also only picking up on this thread now, but was shocked at the flaming you got. I'm in a situation where my children never give myself or my dp a moments trouble. They love and respect their own father and my dp and we are all happy campers when we are together.

My dp's children are actively encouraged to hate us and have all their mother's depression and bitterness put on to them. The result, negativity, stroppiness, chaos, beligerant behaviour towards their father and constant arguing and controlling between the kids. It's enough to make a natural parent want to walk away and puts such a strain on my dp and me and our relationship. Of course you cannot treat a child who behaves like this the same as one who gives you love, affection and respect. The goalposts are totally different.

During the week, our lives are totally bliss, his contact with the kids during the week is frequent, but short, ie a quick dinner, or ferrying them around to their activities, it is fine usually. Weekends can be fraught with tension before the dsc are even out of the car and into the house. We don't live together, he has his own place and they have loads of time alone! However, I feel that he (and we are) is always on the back foot always on the defense. The only thing that is making things better is me disengaging and dp finally after nearly 5 years of being divorced, getting tough. 'I hate it here, I want to go home'... Fine, I love you, I want to spend time with you, but here's the phone, call Mum... DSC; Sorry, no it's okay, she probably won't be in anyway..... Okay then...

No one can understand this or the OP's original post unless they have been on the receiving end of hateful, bitter, selfish behaviour from a child in this situation. A child that you have done nothing wrong to, a child that you want to love, want to bond with, want to be able to hug or kiss, or ruffle their hair without them pulling away or saying get off me, or giving you a dirty look. It's a special challenge looking after a child that treats you like this, yet you're still there week after week. And support on forums like this, is the only thing that has kept me going over the years. DP has very often out of fear, put the child's attitude over us all. We now know that one child's 'happiness' or rather a desire to control everybody, does not come at the expense of everyone elses happiness or our relationship. Support is key and can make or break relationships and when such delicate situations exists and feelings are raw and complicated, seriously some people should just keep their comments to themselves. You're doing a great job as I now know I am in a very difficult situation. smile

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