EOW access(6 Posts)
Am moving in with DP in a couple of weeks, he currently lives with his parents who refuse to accept he has a child, so has never been able to have his DD(4) overnight.
His ExW, himself and I have talked and agreed on him picking DD up on Friday evening, dropping back at her mums on Sunday lunch/evening depending on what everyone is up to. ExW has one year old twins and things need to be planned in advance, but there is flexibility on both sides.
So that's all fair and well.
However I'm freaking terrified of having his DD over for that length of time! I've got no prior experience of small children, me and his DD do get along, she holds my hand, told me she loves me, but contact is never more than 5-6 hours. The thought of 48 hours fills me with dread!
Advice on how to cope please!
I want this EOW to work so much, my DP dotes on his DD and him having extended contact with her is of huge importance to him.
Hi West East
I was in a very similar situation myself a few months ago and my first piece of advice is to relax - you'll be absolutely fine!
The most important thing seems to be that DSD's mum is onboard with the arrangements and that the two of you have an open dialogue. If DSD's mum is comfortable with her staying with you, this positivity will have a huge effect on DsD. There will be hiccups, the first few weeks my DSD stayed she got a little bit tearful at night, asking for her mum but a phone call seemed to calm her down. She woke up a few times during the night which was a little annoying, having gone from living with my sister and lying in all morning to being woken up at 6.30am with demands for cereal and Dora the Explorer! I consider myself very lucky, my DSD is a gorgeous, friendly, affectionate little thing who climbs all over me, wants to hold my hand constantly, cuddle me and generally play! I first met her when she was 3 and because she was so young she was less bothered about mummy and daddy not living together any more. My biggest piece of advice would be to let your DP do all the parenting, he should be making her tea, bathing her, dressing her, telling her off, reading her bedtime stories. Enforce this from the beginning and then this frees you up to be the fun, cool adult who plays with her and takes her to fun places but never has to say no to more chocolate. She sounds lovely and if she's desperate to hold your hand and play with you already then she clearly likes you very much already. It can be extremely difficult at times, as lovely as she is, my DSD is very self absorbed (as kids are) and has no concept of quiet time and the constant 'being on' is exhausting and a huge change from what my life was like 6 months ago. So make sure you make plenty of time to see your friends and have some alone time, otherwise you run the risk of being worn out very quickly!
I really hope it goes well for you tho. Feel free to PM me, I don't know anyone in real life in my situation and it would be nice to keep in touch xx
Thank you! I think I know deep down that I'll be alright, I'm just a natural worrier!
DP's ExW is very much on board, they had a very amicable break up, he's a good dad, and to be honest me and her get on well, I know she's been talking nice about me to her DD as her DD told me that her mum said only nice, kind people work in hospitals (I'm a nurse).
Myself and DP haven't spoken fully about the parenting, but will be doing shortly. She is a very well behaved child, an absolute credit to her mum, I'll ask her to do things like pick up her wrappers and put things in the bin, for example, when we've been out for a picnic, and she's done what I've asked with no issues at all. But I know it's going to be different when it's in Our Home.
I've told my DP that as I'm not his DD's mum, I won't parent her as if I was, she already has a brilliant mum, but I'm happy to be WestEast, daddy's girlfriend, but I will expect him to be the parent at our house.
I think me and DP need to have a sit down and a good chat about our roles and rules for when she's staying with us.
I agree with Lamb - if your DP and ex can be cooperative and amicable about the arrangements, your life will be so much easier.
Lamb is also right about letting DP do the parenting, but if you start to experience what people on here describe as him being a "Disney Dad" - nip it in the bud!!! There are lots of people on here with good advice. Good luck - you sounds keen and positive, and it's great you want to help instigate contact!
Has dsd stayed anywhere overnight away from mum before?
If not, one night a week might be easier for her for a while before switching to eow?
Thanks guys yeah she's had nights at her nans and cousins and loves it. We've spoken to her about it and she seems really up for it. We're planning on doing an Ikea trip with her to choose things for her room, so she knows its her room and is personal to her, to make our house another home for her if you see what I mean. I'm hoping if she's involved with making her room hers she'll find staying over those first few times a bit less daunting.
Me and her dad have spoken about The Parenting. He knows it's his job, and to be fair, he's very good at it. She got a bit cheeky to me the other day and he was on it straight away. The plan is I don't do more than pulling her up on please and thanks yous, he does this as well plus everything else. When we spend time together my tactic is to praise her good behaviours, and apart from a few little instances she's been nothing but a pleasure to spend time with.
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