Support thread. For current step-parents.

(331 Posts)
brdgrl Mon 31-Mar-14 16:18:44

If you're a current step-parent with children who live with you at least some of the time, and fancy offloading or a rant or have a question you want to ask others who are currently in your situation and you want to do it in a safe place, and you don't want to ask a non-step-parent then why not ask in here.
smile

Petal02 Mon 31-Mar-14 16:24:24

This forum has been a life saver for me, so I hope it can also help other step mums.

brdgrl Mon 31-Mar-14 16:27:13

I have seen some new 'faces' on here and on other threads; maybe we are due for a round of wine and sympathy.

Petal02 Mon 31-Mar-14 16:29:35

I'll drink to that!!

UC Mon 31-Mar-14 16:32:52

Hello. I also get a lot of insight from the SP threads. Often I come away feeling that whatever it was I was worrying about is not so bad after all wink. I have learnt a huge amount about step family interactions from some very wise and realistic SMs on here.

BohdiSaurus Mon 31-Mar-14 16:37:22

Hello....I think this is what I need. Struggling at the moment..

brdgrl Mon 31-Mar-14 16:40:12

Often I come away feeling that whatever it was I was worrying about is not so bad after all
Yes, sometimes it is all about perspective!

I am always surprised by the things which are consistent to SPs across the board - that some things crop up over and over again, even when individual circumstances are really different.

What's up, Bohdi?

Russianfudge Mon 31-Mar-14 17:14:45

Yeah, what's up Bhodi??

Thanks for this Brdgrl. A little haven smile

alita7 Mon 31-Mar-14 17:28:21

Hello can I join you- I have 3 stepdaughters, 1 of them lives with us and the other 2 come every other weekend smile

I'm having a little trouble with DSD who lives with us atm- she's been an angel for the most part since she came to us- but recently she's being very argumentative with both me and dp, and if she doesn't argue she just tries to distract or simply does something else other than what we've asked. She does have learning disabilities but apart from the asd side- this shouldn't really have anything to do with it. Coincidentally it has been since I got pregnant ( 8weeks 4 days today) but she doesn't know yet so unless she can tell I'm more stressable/ ill and is trying to subconsciously take advantage then I don't think it's related.

LineRunner Mon 31-Mar-14 17:56:12

Since I met my OH (excuse use of 'OH' but I don't know what else to call him!) I have lurked on the step-parenting board to catch of glimpse of a possible future. OH is full-time lone dad to four, and I am a lone mum to two. All teenagers...

Bloody terrifying, frankly. I salute you all.

Fragglewump Mon 31-Mar-14 18:02:44

I too have the major hump today. I put major effort into a lovely birthday for dss last weekend - presents, an experience day etc which he thanked us profusely for. Today I find that he decided to test his new penknife by carving chunks out of his solid wood bedroom furniture. Presumably because going to get a stick from outside was too much effort. Wtf??? I feel like just giving up. If it was dc I would go nuclear but parenting dsc's is much more fraught and tricky!!!!!!

FriedFishAndBread Mon 31-Mar-14 19:11:00

Can I join even though me and dp no longer live together due to sc problems?

I have a thread argh I need to shout if you want to read all about me.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Mon 31-Mar-14 19:23:09

I'll lurk as mine are a distant memory but one of them may resurface at any time and betting from her behaviour atm it'll be like a bomb being chucked under my life when she does confused

cantpolishaturd Mon 31-Mar-14 20:47:28

I'm new to this step parenting lark (moved in together at new year) 2dc and 3dsc (full time). I honestly didn't realise how soul destroying this could be at times..so will no doubt be posting for support over the coming months

TheMumsRush Mon 31-Mar-14 20:51:31

What a fab thread smile

TheMumsRush Mon 31-Mar-14 20:52:29

Did anyone see the fist comment in the "I hate weekends" thread?

Russianfudge Mon 31-Mar-14 21:08:11

A real inspiration wasn't it mumsrush?

LineRunner Mon 31-Mar-14 21:10:02

I have read most of the sp threads today. It is scary. OH and I will be keeping two households for quite a long time .... however, we do spend time including overnights with each other and each other's DCs, and it can clearly be a minefield.

MsColour Mon 31-Mar-14 21:19:21

Struggling a bit with the step-parenting malarkey at the moment. dss pushing boundaries, so are my dc but somehow I find it easier to forgive my own dc and I feel guilty about that.

moggycat Mon 31-Mar-14 21:22:31

Thank you so much for this thread. I am a step mum to 3 and it is hard at times! Anyone in the Derby area? We should do a stepparents club!

alita7 Mon 31-Mar-14 23:12:48

I think my trouble is although my dp treats me as he would another parent and so does my dsd for the most part (ie I NEVER get youre not my mum you cant tell me what to do, she treats me exactly like she does her dad in every way except she obviously treats us according to our personalities) I feel so guilty telling her off regularly, especially as she is obviously going through a rebellious/ independent/ argumentative stage and keeps behaving in a way that pushes me to shout or to withdraw privileges etc which I hate doing... I think if she was my own I'd feel less bad and I know they'd know I loved them and love me anyway, but although she does seem to do those things too, it worries me that she'll end up hating me, or that I'm doing a terrible job or that she will become unhappy if I have to keep telling her off multiple times a day... but if she won't do 'normal' things like clean her teeth and go to bed without being told a million and one times (but not in a I'm not doing it way, more in a gets distracted or but I really want to watch a film instead way) It's really hard when you've asked nicely 10 times already :/

entersandmum Mon 31-Mar-14 23:14:16

Glorified babysitter stomping here & digging her heels in!

BigPigLittlePig Mon 31-Mar-14 23:16:56

I have lurked on and off for yonks.

As someone said before, sometimes it's all about perspective wink

Dodo76 Tue 01-Apr-14 00:17:40

Can I join? I am having really struggling trying to step into the role of a step-mother and in a real dilemma as to whether I want DP and his 2 kids (DSD 10 and DSS 8) to move in. I love DP but the fear of living with his DSC 50% of the time puts the fear of god into me. Just had a massively strained weekend with them here and DSS being difficult to put it mildly. Do most people take the decision to blend families and all live together? Just seems like such a massive risk given that I can barely survive a weekend! I wonder what percentage of "blended families" fail.

UC Tue 01-Apr-14 08:31:28

Unfortunately, Dodo, something like 50% of second marriages fail, and I wonder whether a lot of it is to do with step problems.

The first year that we all lived together (50/50)was hell on earth to be honest. It was worse than when I suddenly found myself a lone parent with no warning. It was worse because there didn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel, and people couldn't say anything about time and healing... It felt relentless - lots of "pecking order" issues between the DCs, DP and I felt the pressure big time. But now, it is much better, although I still find that we resolve one issue and another rears its head.

I agree with Alita about the background unconditional love. I love my DCs, but I don't feel the same for my DSCs. Even if I feel I love them, it isn't the same unconditional love that I have for my DCs. I've come to realise though that it's ok. But it does make it difficult when the DSCs behave in ways that are nasty or unattractive. I don't always like my DCs, but I always love them. That isn't there with DSCs, and I have to work at it sometimes. Same in reverse, I'm not their mum and they don't love me like they love their mum - which means they aren't so forgiving if I am particularly hard on them about something. If that makes sense.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now