DSD - Silent moody treatment- Spoilt Madam

(118 Posts)
mrssnodge Mon 24-Mar-14 16:07:55

MY DSd 14 nearly 15, is so moody and does not speak to me- She stays evey weekend, from fri eve to sun eve, speaks to DP like shit then wraps him aound her finger , is so spoiled- DP constantly buys her things he cant afford- He sometimes works on Saturdays and leaves me with her, she does not move out of her( recently decorated by me) bedroom until he comes in at 2pm and says 'im starving'- he asks could u not have made her something to eat? err -of course if she came and asked me I would!! but Im not doing room service--my own 3 dc have all left home- - didnt do it for them),
In her room, she has sky tv, lap top, i pod, etc, but insists on sitting on top of us all the time- fine if she had a conversation- but she speaks to DP only & not me, eben though its nearly always me running in nd out with food, nibbles etc I never get a thanks-
DP says she is just shy- she wont speak to my DM or Dc if they visit, and goes upstairs then- I feel awful bitching about her but its getting so bad- this is 7 years on and I dont think I can put up with this much longer, when will she stop coming every weekend!????
She also has a friend to stay too everything other weekend, I prefer her bloody mate- shes lovely and chatty,!!!

TheMumsRush Sat 10-May-14 09:11:30

Reading this hasn't given me much hope, my dsd is 7 is also koala like and I just put it down to age.

AlbertsJoy Sun 04-May-14 13:47:38

I agree it sucks CountryGal13! I suppose I'm lucky I only have one dsd to contend with. Maybe it would be better if my dsd had a sibling though, I feel it's worse that she's an only child and has been used to (and will insist on) having dp's undivided attention whenever she demands it. A few weeks ago dp was singing karaoke at his local, I looked at him and he was singing romantic words whilst looking straight into dsd's eyes. I was nearly sick!!!

On the other hand, I was a dsd from the age of 5 (brought up by my nan) and my stepmum and I are still in contact even though my dad passed away some time ago. Don't think I gave her any trouble at all though!

CountryGal13 Sun 04-May-14 12:24:35

I feel your pain op. I have two teenage SC and I often feel like the invisible woman too. I say 'hello' and 'goodbye' but rarely get a response. Every sentence that comes out of their mouths begins with 'dad' so I don't feel like I can or should even bother to join in the conversation. We also have a baby together and they never mentioned thing about my pregnancy to me but as soon as baby arrived they doted on her. Now, the younger of the two will excitedly run up to baby as soon as she arrives but even when I'm holding her she won't acknowledge me or look me in the eye. It makes me feel like s**t to be honest. I've spent many sleepless nights wondering why they dislike me so much or are they just being teenagers and I'm taking it all to personally...We're also years down the line. I've had to detach now as I can't waist anymore energy worrying about it. I'm always polite and make them a meal when they visit and that's as far as our relationship goes. Btw, they also used to stay with me when their dad went to work. The eldest would hang around, usually with a friend, all day without speaking to me and then I'd only know she'd left for the bus when I'd hear the front door close. Not even a 'see ya later'. I spent me day off feeling uncomfortable and awkward in my own home. I think my husband realised that I wasn't happy with the situation started to take them home instead. I know this is only possible if she lives locally but just wanted you to know that I've been there and it sucks x

doziedoozie Sat 03-May-14 23:51:34

I wouldn't make meals for anyone if I was expected to accept being utterly ignored. Just seems ludicrous. I would go out and meet up with my own pleasant DCs.
Perhaps you are enabling the situation OP.
Because the thing is that DSD isn't going anywhere and nor are you. So something should give so that life is pleasanter for everyone or this will still be the case in 20 years time. Surely DH doesn't like the fact that your are put in a bad mood every weekend? All a bit weird really.

thebluehen Sat 03-May-14 07:36:26

I think many children of divorce are so used to giving mum and dad catering for their every whim that the reality of a step parent comes as a bit of a shock.

Some kids are so used to being treated with kid gloves that anything else is genuinely upsetting and difficult for them.

It's time society stopped either a) writing off kids of "broken" families as delinquents. B) stopped pitying the kids.

Let's have high expectations of all out children whatever their circumstances.

brdgrl Fri 02-May-14 23:08:11

If you weren't a PITA, perhaps your stepmums liked having you around.

brdgrl Fri 02-May-14 23:07:16

I did not behave like that however she is losing out on having the totally normal right to spend all weekends with both parents in her own home.
I'm not sure there is a "right" to this, anyway, surely there are many intact families where its not the case (loads of parents working, sometimes away)....and lots and lots of kids, who are in same boat and don't behave. Children of divorce or bereavement ought to be held to the same standards of behavior as any other child. It's possible to do that and still be sympathetic to their individual circumstances. Sadly, too often they are treated with diminished expectations, and end up crippled by those.

catellington Fri 02-May-14 22:50:50

I have been a teen dsd. I did not behave like that however she is losing out on having the totally normal right to spend all weekends with both parents in her own home.

I think it's lovely for her dad to do things for her.

I'm not saying all of what you describe is all ok I'm just saying I've been in something like her shoes and it was awful. Actually reading your posts and some of the replies it makes me feel really sad as I realise my smums probably didn't like me coming to stay either.

brdgrl Fri 02-May-14 22:26:26

AlbertsJoy, that's bonkers. (And yet I am not surprised! Been there!)

TheSultanofPing Fri 02-May-14 20:04:25

My God. Some nasty posts on here!

AlbertsJoy Thu 01-May-14 22:49:57

This thread is very familiar to me! DP arranged a weekend away a few months ago, us and another middle aged couple (we are in our 50's). When he told me I was elated - till he added "dsd is really looking forward to it"!!!
Fail to see what an 18 yo will get from going on
a romantic weekend with two couples!!

prawnypoos Thu 01-May-14 15:18:06

14? She should have a bloody job an start paying for her own sky tv, laptop and iPod!! She should also be doing her fair share around the house! Can't be doing with spoilt little madams like that. ESP when dear daddy sticks up for his prissy little princess. Uggggghhhhhh makes me mad too!!

trooperlooperdo Fri 04-Apr-14 17:48:53

I'd be tempted to disengage and ignore her, certaiunly not wait on her hand foot and finger.

Treat every stressful situation like a dog, if you can't eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away

superstarheartbreaker Fri 28-Mar-14 21:42:17

Sounds like she's jealous op. Normal but annoying.

brdgrl Fri 28-Mar-14 10:07:59

Let me guess - does she make a massive drama of period pains?

Been there...

mrssnodge Fri 28-Mar-14 09:16:55

I know how you feel Sherriff- its the same when we go on holiday, he pines for her after 3 days, cant wait to go back to see her and rings her daily. Was worse when we took her with us one year, OMG never again!
I adore my 3 DC and my two GDC but I was never like that, he says its not cos he only sees her on the weekend, when he lived with her its was the same -attached to each other!
My DSd is also 'emotional' a l lot- atention seeking, always making up illness, she has a sneeze, he runs to buy piriton,she has cramp, he buys feminax/ fetches hot water bottle- I dont bliidy get that!!
Never mind, its Friday and she wll be there when I go home tonight- she what this weekend brings eh- oh by the way, Im working overtime all day tomorow, - i wonder why????

TheSherrif Fri 28-Mar-14 02:58:39

Just to say don't get your hopes up. My DSD is 18 & still clinging to Daddy like a koala every weekend. Even her new job is 2 weekday evenings. As for the weekend away - bought & paid for by yours truly, DSD had some major emotional crisis at noon on the day we're leaving, meaning he spent an hour driving to fetch her after work (when we should have been leaving), she had to spend the weekend alone in our house & he spent all weekend on the phone to her, checking she was ok & thoroughly resenting being away. (Nothing had happened by the way, she was just feeling "emotional")

mrssnodge Thu 27-Mar-14 17:30:41

DH only occasionally works on a Saturday on overtime &, sometimes so do I, though it may be a bit more often if things continue they way they are now!

mrssnodge Thu 27-Mar-14 17:28:44

She very occasionally goes into town on a sat afternoon, - DP, drives her the 40 mins, to her side of town, collects her mate, takes them to ctr of town, and then collects them both at tea time to stay the nite!!
Whats wrong with the bloody bus!???
I think this is mad- fair enough , the day she wants to go to town, she either goes from home and her mate and her can go togetrher, or Dp even drop her off in town to meet her mate, but not for him to collect her mate too!
I dont even mind her mate staying over as hs is nice and polite & chatty- in fact I like it better when she is there!
her Mum works all weekend and goes our drinking. fri/ sat nite- ( thats another story) so when dsd was small it suited her mum for us to have her every weekend, now she is a sullen, entitled teenager its getting worse-
I know things could be a lot worse,- she once said she wants live with us- !! no way!!!!!

givemeaclue Thu 27-Mar-14 17:26:54

No, the dh is at work. I mean the op.

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 27-Mar-14 17:00:00

I have a step daughter and we have been leaving her in the house alone for around 4 years [she is 17 next month]...no way would I stop in just because she was in the house. As I see it she has two houses and if she doesn't like it here then she wouldn't come. I just get on with things that I do at the weekends and half the time her dad goes to the football and she is here alone for the day.

brdgrl Thu 27-Mar-14 16:36:40

giveme, do you mean OP and her DH?

givemeaclue Thu 27-Mar-14 16:26:56

Just go out on a Saturday, consider it a free day, let her do what she wants

brdgrl Thu 27-Mar-14 16:23:07

Cerisier, I constantly hear about how teens are supposed to have such a disdain for being with their parents, and only want to be out with friends, and don't want to go on holidays with parents, and would prefer to be drinking with other teens...
In my experience, it just wasn't true. My DSC were/are definitely a bit young for their ages, so maybe that's it, but I think it is actually a bit of a myth about teens. And it clearly isn't only kids in stepfamilies, because my DSD's friends were all the same. They were homebodies, and not at all interested in drinking, partying, or any of the things everyone told me they MUST be.

Weirdos! smile

Cerisier Thu 27-Mar-14 16:17:51

I am amazed DSD doesn't want to go out with friends at the weekend. Hanging round the house for two days must be very dull.

She sounds rather troubled- too clingy, not many friends and a mass of resentment. I think you need to step back for your own sanity and DP should be trying to talk to her about how everything is going in her life and he should be laying down some rules about acceptable behavior.

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