A safe place to rant

(85 Posts)
TheMumsRush Sat 15-Mar-14 20:56:01

I'm loosing hart with SP board. I think, like Fenton, I may take a back step. SM's come here for a safe place to rant. To say things they can't in RL. Sometime they know it's not great what they are saying, sometimes they don't, myself included and are looking for guidance. But the one thing they don't need is up themselves people bashing them and being generally unhelpful and downright mean. People who I suspect have a reason to think all SM's home wreckers. People fall in love and no one knows what the future will hold. Rant over

BigPigLittlePig Sat 15-Mar-14 21:37:33

I have been lurking and reading with interest, and agree. There have been some hateful, spiteful and entirely unhelpful comments on here lately.

It is for that v reason that I won't post my own Qs about dsd, not worth the flaming.

brdgrl Sat 15-Mar-14 21:40:59

mumsrush, it is sad but I understand completely. I have seen various posters leave because of the hostility against stepmums that is allowed to flourish here. I myself took a bit of a hiatus recently; I had so much going on in my offline life and I knew I just didn't have the mental energy to face the negativity from people who so clearly have an agenda. I don't mean the people who post in sincerity but with whom I disagree - I mean the people who regularly surface on the board with the same old nonsense.

Any of the mothers on MN, at least those of young children, could end up in a situation where their kids have a stepmum. They don't want to believe that, but it's true. Like you say, no one knows what the future will hold. I think we scare them, because we are proof of that.

As for 'knowing what we were getting into' - who does? Who, of anyone on this entire site, knew what they were getting into when they met their partner? Not a one. Not a single one.

Good luck, mumsrush.

I have to admit that I read the forum and post to others sometimes but I rarely ever post for advice even though I could certainly do with it at times because I know myself and it would really unsettle me if I got the kind of responses I've seen on here. everyone needs a place to rant sometimes, wishing you all the best

TheMumsRush Sat 15-Mar-14 22:03:26

When I first came here, it was because I was looking for help, looking to find if what I was feeling/going through was "normal". I must admit, I've made mistakes and have been pulled up and rightly so. No one is perfect. But I asked for help thinking that was what I was going to get. Not to be made to feel more crap in an already hard situation. And from people who clearly gave no idea! (I know this because I snooped on loan parenting only to see one name who regularly posts on here negatively and who I also know is not a SP). I don't comment in areas where I have no helpful or well meaning advice

babyheaves Sat 15-Mar-14 22:09:20

MN has never been a great place for step parents to be honest. The hand wringing and "won't somebody think of the children" shit does get you down.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Sat 15-Mar-14 22:13:49

Having been on mn for a long time (not since the dawn of though lol) I find the way to survive online forums is to really not give a flying fuck what some people think.
If they haven't lived it, I care not for their opinion. They may have valid points I hadn't considered but if they come in pearl clutching and saying 'won't somebody think of the chillldrenn' they can fuck right back off again.

Btw my name is things, I have a sexually abusive badly behaved SS who attends school for half an hour every day and stinks of bo, a sd who, at 11 and brought up round adult conversation is a greedy grabby bitchy little cow bag who only opens her mouth to say something offensive usually with her keyboard warrior mother sitting over her shoulder, a sad excuse that they have for a dm who claims rape and emotional abuse when she doesn't get her own way and her own way is basically all the money an a click of the fingers she wants a taxi service and a willing servant - yet when she gets those she is happy to have the person she accuses of rape in her home as long as he has money in his hand. Face to face she does not have the courage of her convictions and only abuses you when she's out of range (by phone and email ect)

I dare anyone on any other board to put up with the day to day shit we do.

So no, their opinion isn't worth anything to me, they may as well not bother typing smile

TheMumsRush Sat 15-Mar-14 22:18:06

True baby. And I find myself questioning my reasonable actions more with my dsc than with my own ds. On MN step mums must not take the place of the dsc's mum yet we must love them as our own.

Perfectlypurple Sat 15-Mar-14 22:20:42

That's why I don't post about it on here. I am a good step mum and yes I find it hard at times but I wouldn't want a flaming for being upset about something.

TheMumsRush Sat 15-Mar-14 22:27:15

What a shame perfect sad there are some amazingly helpfully SM's on here. It has helped me, and I know the posters to ignore now. smile

MatryoshkaDoll Sat 15-Mar-14 22:30:33

Yeah it's weird. There are a couple of posters who hang out here although they're not SPs and who seem to only be here so that they can bash other posters.

Obviously people can go wherever they like on the site and obviously you don't need to have personal experience of something to have a valid POV; but why would you hang around step-parenting in particular just to be negative if you didn't have an agenda or an axe to grind?

TheMumsRush Sat 15-Mar-14 22:37:04

It's true matry, it's the same old posters with the same old negative opinion (never helpful). I wouldn't mind if they had something other than aa one lined totally useless comment to make...ie "I feel sorry for the kids"!. That may be the case, but say something helpful, otherwise what good are you doing?

Pasithea Sat 15-Mar-14 22:47:49

How many are step parents. How many have had affairs or are mistresses.

I bet it's loads more than anyone is letting on.

MrsWickens Sat 15-Mar-14 22:53:04

It definitely puts me off posting my true feelings about being a stepmum. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm not sure how long I can do it for but I am not sure I could cope with the horrible comments if I did post on here.

TheMumsRush Sat 15-Mar-14 22:55:58

Are mistresses? If they are I don't think you'll find them posting on here (at a guess), I don't image they'd be introduced at that point wink

FrogbyAnotherName Sat 15-Mar-14 22:56:46

Well. If you ever needed a point proven, then that's how to go about it.

Well done pasithea - you've reinforced the OPs point better then any SM ever could.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Sat 15-Mar-14 22:58:00

Haha
Mistresses
P wasn't worth stealing off someone else grin

MatryoshkaDoll Sat 15-Mar-14 22:58:38

Yes that's the other thing; there's always an assumption that you're the OW. Personally I'm not. I couldn't even hazard a guess at how many SMs were originally OW.

The other common assumption is that DP left his ex and I'd the NRP. Again, not true. She left him and DP is the RP.

The flamers have always already made up their minds before they've read the facts. There's never any margin for nuance or unique circumstance. Unless you love your DSCs as if you had carried them and birthed them yourself you are a despicable person.

Perfectlypurple Sat 15-Mar-14 23:00:57

So if you are a step mum you must have been a mistress/having an affair with your now dh? Utter tosh. Im sure some will have been in that situation but not most.

My dh left his first wife due to unreasonable behaviour. He didn't have a relationship for 2 years after the split. I got together with him 4 years after the split.

TheMumsRush Sat 15-Mar-14 23:01:03

Thanks pasithea, you have proven my point. My work here us done grin

TheMumsRush Sat 15-Mar-14 23:02:06

*is

Pasithea Sat 15-Mar-14 23:02:47

I hate the way that on other threads if a H has had an affair, the knives and language is out and he is scum. Whereas when it's a W who has had an affair it's well oh dear.

Pasithea Sat 15-Mar-14 23:04:02

TheMumsRush. You are welcome.

TheMumsRush Sat 15-Mar-14 23:08:10

On the loan parenting thread us step mums are always referred to as the OW. If we slip and say bio mum all hell breaks lose! I'm sick of the double standards! I'd love to and shame! I'd also love to go on LP and say to that mum who is bitching about what a pice if shit her ex is "well, you knew what you were getting in to when you married him!" Grrrr

TheMumsRush Sat 15-Mar-14 23:10:05

Pasithea you have a point there

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