I don't really know how to respond to this and was hoping for some advice from some more seasoned step parents please!
DP and I have been together for nearly a year. We planned to go on holiday with all our DCs, we both have two, his are 13 and 9, mine are 7 and 4. My DC live with me 100%, he has his for half the holidays and about 1 weekend in 4 (distance just too great for EOW). We don't live together.
DP suggested a week abroad at Easter, all DCs keen. A couple of weeks later he spoke to his exW who told him his kids had changed their minds and didn't want to go away with me and my DC. Kids don't really seem to know what they want (ie they've told their mum one thing and their dad another).
DP doesn't want to rush his kids, and I get that, they have been through their parents splitting up (for the record, DP's ex left him, he and I met a few months after they had separated) and are now coming to terms with new partners on both sides. But part of the problem is that they don't know me or my DC very well because they are not with DP very much. DP sees lots of my DC and they get on brilliantly. Clearly he wants to spend every bit of annual leave he has with them and I would never try to change that, but I would like to go on holiday with him too!
Also I don't see his DC much, because of his limited time with them.
I know it's really important for them to spend time just the three of them so we tend to give them lots of space and meet up just a few times in holidays. The result is they don't know me and DC very well .... but how can we get to know them if we don't spend time together?! DP and I thought a holiday would be a good way to do so. We wouldn't live in each others' pockets for the whole week and whilst the age gap from eldest to youngest is big, there is common ground in the middle.
I feel really resentful that his DC (and poss his ex) are getting to overrule our plans if we say fine, we'll do our own thing, but I don't want to force anyone into a holiday they feel miserable about. DP is going to chat to them again but if anyone's got any thoughts on how he or I approach this that would be great. Sorry this is so long!
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Step-parenting
DPs kids don't want to come on holiday with me and DCs
124 replies
VelcroBaby · 10/02/2014 15:03
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