Crazyness

(7 Posts)
MatryoshkaDoll Wed 04-Dec-13 15:29:11

Yes I found that was a good angle with my DP when we were in a similar situation with his ex (albeit on a much smaller and much less crazy scale than you're having to deal with).

Luckily that was enough to make him finally stop payments all together. Now we put all that money he would've been giving to her into a university fees fund for DSD and STBDD.

Ziplex Wed 04-Dec-13 14:36:05

We don't claim anything as we both work full-time and are both self-employed so earn to much. I didn't realise that we ccould be in trouble for letting her carry on.
I think that maybe the way to go as my DH is straighter than straight and will be mortified if he knew we could get into trouble. Plus for me in my profession ( working with venerable people/children) I have to have a completely clean sheet!

Ziplex Wed 04-Dec-13 14:32:21

DH is named on the BC but it was before 2002 when PR weren't automatically given, dss is 13.
I've told DH to apply but he is scared stiff that she will carry out the threats and take dss away, she did this when he was a baby, changed the child's name, refused access and lied in court.
I know all of this is true as I was in court all those years ago as I have known DH all of his life as he is my BF's brother and his older brother is one of my best friends too, I as a counsellor/psychologist (not his) was always around when DH family needed support/family parties etc.
He took legal advice years and years ago but he's so scared, legal advice when dss was tiny but wont now "just in case". He is tied by this horrendous guilt and as much as I love him it is driving a huge wedge between us as he constantly appeases her sad I need him to grow a pair as in every other aspect of life he really is assertive.

AliceinWonderhell Wed 04-Dec-13 14:24:24

ziplex If you want to stay with your DP despite his lack of action to change the situation then you are going to have to take action yourself.

Report DSS mum to the benefit fraud hotline - you can do this on the Internet, anonymously if necessary.

Do you claim CB/tax credits for your own DC? Tell the HMRC that your DSS is living with you - for your own protection, because technically you could be complicit in her fraud if you don't.

MatryoshkaDoll Wed 04-Dec-13 14:22:07

Is he not named on the birth certificate then? If they were never married he does't have to pay her maintenance. How old is your SS?

You can make a claim for child benefit without her having any say. The HMRC will award the CB to the parent who has the child the most. If she wanted to challenge the decision, she'd have to prove she had SS more often than you do. Which she won't be able to do.

Has he never sought any legal advice? Sounds like he could do with some. Essentially the ex is blackmailing him.

needaholidaynow Wed 04-Dec-13 14:18:15

Your DP shouldn't have to pay her a penny!!

Has he tried to get the benefits in his name so that he isn't liable to pay maintenance and also gets the financial support from child benefit/tax credits in bringing up his child? And gives him a chance to get maintenance off her?

I can understand why you are going crazy! It sounds so unfair!

Ziplex Wed 04-Dec-13 14:12:47

I have a SS who lives with us (myself,husband and my DS) he has lived here for 3 years, my problem and bug bear is that we still pay the mother maintenance and she gets taxcredits/child benefit even though she has the child at most 1 night a week and never in the summer or any school holidays!!
My husband hasn't parental rights and the mother uses this against us to continually demand this money (£400 pm), if we say no she screams and shouts that DH hasn't any rights and that she'll take the kid away... I've said many a time let her go ahead!! Thing is if we did stop after a week or so of her looking after this child she'd soon send him back as she is only after the money (fact) but my DH is so eaten with guilt it is a joke. He left this woman when the child was months old as she was extremely abusive and a complete liar, she's even told the child I split them up!! I didn't they had been apart for 7 years when DH and I got together.
She encourages the child to lie and gets him to say the most awful things to me, DH is Disney Dad even though the child lives here and if the child says jump DH says how high!!! This is to the detriment of myself and my son, we get blamed for everything by this child (manipulated by the mother) and he even told his father that he will carry on living here as long as DH "gets rid" of DS and myself.

At my wits end and my poor DH is stuck in the middle.

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