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ADVISE ON STEP CHILDREN PLEASE....!!!(12 Posts)
Hi, I'm new to this site so hope you guys am help me with the advise I need!!
I've been with my partner for 4 years, we have a child together who is 2 and I have a 4 year old from a previous relationship and we've been together since my eldest was 2 months old!!
He has 2 children from his previous MARIGE... He has them every weekend and every other weekend they stay over. We only have a 2 bedroom small house, so his kids sleep on the sofa! They are 8 and 12. I can't say I don't like them because they're just kids, but I just can't click with them! It stresses me out having 5 kids in our small 2 bed house all weekend, I cook for us all when they're here and I always find myself making them separate meals because they hate anything green or healthy!! They always moan they're board, eh leave mess everywhere, they speak down to the little ones (my kids) and I get so down!! My partner doesn't take them home until 7pm on a Sunday night!! And I'm exhausted by then and want my little ones settled!! His son has his x box blasting loud all weekend! I feel so out of control and it really upsets me sometimes. I cook for them, bath the,, I'm constantly clearin up after everyone etc and i just can't click. I don't know how to move forward or feel better! Any advise or experience would be lovely. Thanks xxx
What answer do you want to hear? What would you ideally want to happen?
Why is your partner not bathing or cooking or cleaning up after his children?
Probably because he knows I do it all.. I don't no
How do you have 5 children? I only get 4 from your detail. And why would you need to bath an 8 & 12 year old? It doesn't sound ideal, would it be better if you slept on the sofa and let the kids have your room so you would get some time to yourselves after the kids had gone to bed?
Just trll them he can't see his children any more and you are much more important.
Get your partner to look after his bloody kids! I feel sorry for you.
There's no point his kids coming to you if he's not going to spend any time with them and just palms them off onto you to deal with.
What's in it for them? The whole point is for them to spend decent time with their dad. Not just be in the same building as him while you look after them and he does other stuff.
Tell him to pull his finger out of his arse. When the SKids come, can you arrange to be out with your own DCs so that he's forced to spend some time with them?
So put your foot down! Tell him things need to change.
He needs to do more when his kids are with you. We have a small house and 4 kids eow and it takes a lot of organisation and everybody mucking in to make it work.
Why are you doing all the cooking and why on earth are you cooking different meals for his kids? They should eat what they are given or go without.
Make some rules. At 8 and 12 his kids are old enough to help you with the little ones and tidy up after themselves.
I have found that the most important thing is to get out of the house with them all. We bought a 7 seater car this year and it was the best thing we ever did. Of course they will get bored sitting in the house all day (Xbox or no Xbox) but getting them out of the house even if its just to the park lets them blow off steam.
On a practical note, my DS is now required to wear headphones when on his XBox or otherwise gaming. The noise used to do my nut in.
But ideally, your partner would be doing something else with his children anyway at weekends. And cooking.
I'd tell him he should take them out at least once every weekend, preferably once each day. And then you arrange to go out with your DCs at some other time of day - that way you're not all together all the time.
Are they sensible enough to be sent off to the park, cinema or swimming pool together for a bit of time without an adult? If not yet, then your DP should start taking them somewhere they like to go regularly so they get familiar enough with it to be sent alone
Would second the advice of headphones for the Xbox. My DCs also find they can play perfectly well with the sound off completely on most games.
And maybe a TV or laptop in the kitchen or bedroom for you, so you have somewhere to go to away from the living room, which understandably they're taking over as it's the only space they have in the house.
And tell you DP he is doing half the cooking from now on. He could get his DCs to help him which would give you a break from cooking and them a break from xbox.
I agree with Kaluki and purpleroses. Can your DP not just do something with his own kids on the weekends they don't stay over? Cinema, swimming, bowling, park etc? How long does he have them for on these days? Is it just a few hours?
Also I think 7pm is too late on a Sunday night. Why not suggest he takes them home earlier? maybe 5 ish? At least then you get can your little ones settled and have an evening of peace.
It is hard when you don't have much room. We too have a 7 seater, we bought it a year after meeting and it makes such a difference.
You do need to talk to him about his input too!
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