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Two families in one house?

3 replies

moody7557 · 03/12/2013 11:47

Hi,

I was wondering what you all thought. My, my boyfriend and our five children live together - 100% of the time. He has a DS(6) and a DD(8). I have, DS(8), DD(6) and DS(5). In my view we just don't work as a family at the moment - there are a lot of issues and frustrations, which we try to tackle, but then there is a whole other set of difficulties. It's becoming hard and despite the best of intentions from us all it's simply a case that we're not mummy, daddy and five kids. The reality is far different.

So my question is.... Is it possible to exist together and still remain as two separate families? Some time together, some apart, one set of rules for mine and one for his. Like an extended holiday visit. Don't get me wrong we do ok as it is, but we would never have chosen to have children together. He is a little too detached for my liking, lets everything go over is head etc. and I want to stop how his kids are (at times) frustrating me and leaving me resentful.

We don't want to split up and we are both very fond of each others children. I'm just looking for thoughts, experiences etc.

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moody7557 · 03/12/2013 11:49

I meant to say live together - not exist. It's not a case that we cannot continue to share the planet...

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Kaluki · 03/12/2013 12:26

Personally I don't think that separate families could work full time when your dc are so close in age. It would breed resentment among the dc whose parent is stricter.
I think the time apart idea is good though. There is no reason why you shouldnt both be able to have separate days out with your own dc.
When DP and I got together I naively assumed we would all turn into one big happy family. I have come to realise that that will never happen - we are two families who come together EOW and although we have blended a little more now I no longer have any desire for us to be one family. We do however have the same rules for all kids regardless of who their parent is and I don't see how it could work any other way.
Have you thought of getting your own place and living apart while still continuing your relationship with a view to maybe moving in together when the dc are all older grown up?

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moody7557 · 03/12/2013 13:02

Thanks. It helps to hear your experiences.

It would be difficult to live apart as he uprooted his kids by 50 miles to move in here. He now commutes to work each day and so practically I would need to do everything I still do or it would mean his kids leaving schools and them all moving back to where his parents are for their help.