I've just had a look around here and thought I would post as I'm finding it all quite tough at the moment...
I am mother to three children DS 8, DD 6 and DS 5. In the summer of 2011 we moved in with my BF who has two children - a daughter or 8 and a son of 6. They lost their mum soon after my BF and I got together and because we were spending so much time together we decided to take our relationship to the next level. Everyone seemed happy with the decision and so that was that.
We're two years in now and I don't like it. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but I feel much lower than I used to feel. He irritates me as a parent a lot because he doesn't seem to set appropriate boundaries and I feel I nag him constantly and find fault. I also miss the quality time with my own children and don't feel I want to be a mother to five. I thought I could do it, but the feelings I have for my own are so different.
I love my BF and when we're on our own it works great. As a family it's not nearly so positive and although there are no major issues, it just doesn't quite fit. I think it's only me that feel this though and I talk vaguely to BF but can not pinpoint one thing that needs to change. I don't want to lose him, but I do not know if it is possible to find happiness and balance within this. Anyone been there?
His kids are lovely little people really, although I find his son very hard work. He is emotionally very immature and causes problems for other members of the family at times, which is problematic. BF and I are trying to work on it, but he is too soft and lets too much go, which I find very frustrating. There is a resentment festering on this and both BF and I are aware of it. His DD is becoming quite clingy now and I think it is because her brother is getting so much of Daddy's attention even though it is the negative sort.
Oh I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess I'm looking for someone to tell me that how I feel is normal and get some support.
Any family where the parents don't agree on how to parent children is difficult. When you have a step family, its even harder as the default is the will of the biological parent, not the step parent.
You and your partner need to sit down and really thrash this out. Get away from the children and try to sort it out between you, before you end up feeling resentful. You need to do this before they all become teenagers as then how it is now will be amplified by a million.
I get what you're saying and I know communication is key. Yeah I could talk to him, but I don't really know exactly why I feel the way I do...
He is really defensive of his DS and I see it that he's been incredibly spoilt. My BF doesn't see it that way and thinks it's just a phase. I guess we need to be really open and honest with each other and see where it takes us. Usually BF is receptive when we talk, but nothing happens in practice....