Books on step parenting for Dads and younger kids?

(5 Posts)
NeveroddoreveN Thu 28-Nov-13 13:31:19

I have a 2yo DD who hasn't seen her bio dad since she was 6mo (his choice, I don't even know where he lives as he is avoiding CSA). My new man has recently spoken to me about the possibility of her dad showing up in the future wanting to see her, and how this could effect our family unit. He is also concerned that if we have more kids, my current DD may feel odd being only half related to our other kids.
These are all things I have considered but have no idea where to get guidance and practical advice (other than on here obvs!) and seeing as he seems genuinely worried I thought it would be good to get some books on the topic. Any recommendations? TIA!

planeticketplease Sat 30-Nov-13 18:20:29

My dd is half sibling to my dsc but this has never really been commented on by any of them. They were all really excited at her birth and have adored her ever since. And she adores them. It is all dd has ever known so to her its normal. All the adults involved agreed to never mention the 'half' sibling thing, and that agreement seems to have really worked. That said the dsc have been told at school that they are half siblings not REAL ones, helpfully. They asked us if it meant that she wasn't really their sister but seemed completely reassured by the normality of it all; they all live with DH and I full time, they love each other, they fight - yes, they are real siblings! IYSWIM. I really wouldn't worry about that aspect of it. If approached with sensitivity it needn't be a problem. It might however throw up some very divided loyalties for your dp. DH and I continually struggle with the fact that I do not (cannot) love all the kids equally, whereas he does and feels I should too.

As for books, I'm afraid I don't know of any specifically for Stepdads but I have seem one called 'step coupling' recommended on here a few times that might be relevant. You can get it on amazon I believe. Good luck with it all.

NeveroddoreveN Mon 02-Dec-13 16:04:25

Ooh thank you! Yes, I am keen for her to know DD as much as possible before we even start thinking of babies, so he can see her funny ways and grow with her. I think it is lucky she is this age as she can communicate and be understood and a bit more 'interesting' for most men, rather than a helpless baby, IYKWIM. I am sure teenage years will throw up some angst about it all, but if it isn't that it would be something else. More worried about what to do if her dad ever decides to turn up, in as much as he is very destructive and would be doing it for his own ego, unthinkingly.
I'll order that book now, thanks smile

LionessOfThePride Thu 05-Dec-13 12:27:06

Ooooo... I've just stumbled across this...

I have a possible similar situation cropping up. New boy on the scene for the first time since ExP. Not sure how to go approach it as I have 2 children from my previous. A little nervous to be honest!

My own ExP is out of it as well. Don't no where he is. Any advice? Can I ask what yours is like? Im just not sure what to do at present. Its been a while!

Oh and good luck with your new lad! Well done you grin

cappy123 Thu 16-Jan-14 03:32:03

The Smart Stepdad - Ron L Deal

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