Trying to find a positive in the hell of being a step mum

(14 Posts)
MrsWickens Sun 10-Nov-13 13:12:41

I've just weighed myself and realised I've lost a stone over the last couple of weeks. We have my boyfriend's twin boys aged 12 stay with us every weekend and the last few have been hell on earth due to their attitude and behaviour. I'm trying to find something good to say so at least them stressing me out enough to lose my appetite completely has resulted in some much needed weight loss!

What are your positives?

Ahhhh. Pre-teens.

I take great joy in wearing my 12 YO DSS's shoes and sports kit to go to the gym. They fit very nicely except the boob snags

He shocked me yesterday by carrying some of my shopping bags - normally I don't even feature on his radar. And if I do, there is a look of faint destain that feels like it is reserved just for me. I like to smother him in generous acts apart from when I roar with rage at him about Pringles, not my finest parenting moment ever

It's a hard age to parent <yes DS I mean you too>. It's especially hard to step-parent. I find going out by myself, or with just one DS or DSS, a number of times at the weekend helps!

casacastille Sun 10-Nov-13 13:39:48

I'm not a step parent but my H and I are separated, and my teenage DD has said very clearly that she doesn't want any step parents in her life and would be horrible to anyone that I or her father might introduce her to.

She was (partly) joking, but my point is that she made me realise that it's not personal.

That's a teeny tiny positive isn't it? That they hate the situation, not you?

Sorry, I realise this is of no practical help... it sounds like utter hell in practice
<useless but sympathetic>

superbagpuss Sun 10-Nov-13 13:43:34

my step mum means. ore to me then my birth mother ever did
it only took me growing up and moving away to appreciate that

MrsWickens Sun 10-Nov-13 14:02:43

Sorry didn't mean to imply that being a step family was hell for everyone, just my experience at the moment!

Petal02 Sun 10-Nov-13 17:14:18

The positives? If they're 12, then it's only 6 years til they go to Uni! That was my "light at the end of the tunnel" for a good few years!

B00t5 Sun 10-Nov-13 18:51:48

There are positives??

Unhelpful, I realise, but I feel your pain. Wicked SM to 3 with my own DS1 x

Kaluki Sun 10-Nov-13 21:08:53

When things were at their worse with my step kids my only positive thought was that at least they do go home!!!
All you full time step mums have my utmost respect - even now things are running fairly smoothly I would struggle with it 24/7

CointreauVersial Sun 10-Nov-13 21:13:34

OP, 12yo boys can be vile to their mothers, never mind stepmothers. They get better, honest. Meanwhile, you have my sympathies; it must be tough.

MrsWickens Sun 10-Nov-13 22:59:23

Yep it is tough. I am thinking the only way I can cope is to embrace the wicked step mother role they seem to have given me.

CointreauVersial...My own boys are 15 and 16, and I readily admit that they had their vile moments, but because they were my own children I was able to discipline them my way and carry it through. Someone else's children is a whole different ball game! You are right tho, they do get better as they get older. With mine it was between aged 9-11 they were at their vilest...they settled down when they went to secondary school.

Kaluki...the countdown to them leaving starts as soon as they arrive at the moment. I thought things would get better as time went on but it has actually got worse.

Petal05...only 6 years...I might make a calendar and mark the days off! grin

BOOt5...I understand exactly where you are coming from saying that. It is how I feel most of the time. I was trying to find the positives but failing until I weighed myself today.

JumpingJackSprat Sun 10-Nov-13 23:13:49

I dunno. . One day they might put your arms round you and whisper "I love you" in your ear like my dss aged five does to me occasionally. .. I've probably got all this teenage angst to come so I'll try and remember those moments when he's turned into Kevin the teenager! They might appreciate you more when they come out the other side of the teen years.

FarelyKnuts Sun 10-Nov-13 23:25:12

On the whole they turn into lovely young adults. Mine did anyway. Despite the years of making life hell that is the teen years. I have a nice relationship with my DSD now that she's grown. Hang in there!

WhitesandsofLuskentyre Mon 18-Nov-13 14:37:41

The positives? If they're 12, then it's only 6 years til they go to Uni! That was my "light at the end of the tunnel" for a good few years!

Just that for my DP (they're my DCs from first marriage). We're now in that situation. One DD came home for a few days recently and even I was in despair at the mess & noise, much as I love and adore her, having finally got used to things in my house being "just so" for the first time since I had children! I'm dreading the carnage of Christmas with two teens back in the house. Mind you, they're probably dreading the sheer, unadulterated boredom that lies in wait being back in the parental home. Happy days grin

Ziplex Sun 01-Dec-13 16:35:48

Full time with sc and I can't find 1 positive!! Disney Dad, I am at my wits end.
This child is foul to me behind Dad's back, Dad this, Dad that, rudeness when the father isn't there, nasty looks and goes out of his way to cause rows... I thought I was alone as none of my friends are step parents.
I didn't treat my step parents this way.
I feel like walking away as I really have had enough of not being the worse s-parent on this earth ( DH's words ).

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