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A Spare Part...

4 replies

PinkNikeShoes · 09/11/2013 19:45

Hi All,

I am at a bit of a loss at the moment, and feeling really down and unsure what to do.

In a nutshell, my boyfriend who I live with (for 18 months) has just got access back to his son as his ex prevented him from seeing him due to him meeting someone (me) and moving on. He now stays over at our home every other weekend and a day through the week.

I'm not sure how to feel, as I've always been super supportive etc, but i feel like a spare part when my boyfriends son is at our home. I offer to help with things but often find myself sat alone on the sidelines as i don't feel very involved with things their doing. He'll give him to me to hold, for a moment, then take him off me. I try play with him but he'll come and pick him up and take him to do something else.

I don't want to say anything as he has fought long and hard to get his son back so don't want to give him any stress.

Is it normal to feel this way? Maybe me just being hormonal and looking into things too much, but I had to let it out somewhere! (I can't hide in my car for a sob for another night!)

Thanks for reading :-) anna x

OP posts:

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elliebellys · 09/11/2013 19:59

Have you told dp how ud like to be involved.?.how ols is dss?

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flowerpotgirl12 · 09/11/2013 20:20

I think you need to have a talk with your dp and discuss what part he wants you to play and you need to tell him how you feel. it may be that it'll even out once he's use to having him back, , however you shouldn't feel like a spare part and don't want resentment building.

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purpleroses · 09/11/2013 20:23

I don't that's odd at all to feel like that. It took me a long while to feel part of the family with my DP and his DCs. Don't beat yourself up about finding it all quite strange to start with.

It will get easier with time. But no harm in talking to your BF about how you feel. It must be hard for him building back up a relationship after quite a gap. But it is OK to admit it's all quite strange for you whilst still being supportive having his DS.

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PinkNikeShoes · 10/11/2013 08:20

Thanks guys :-) I've not spoken to my bf about it as I didn't want to put a damper on it as it's all new, hes been so stressed over the whole legal process. He's detected something's wrong as he's asked if I'm ok as I was quiet, but I've just pretended things are ok.

I feel like I'm doing something wrong if I pick him up and just sit very awkwardly next to him which is totally out of character for me.

Ill have a chat with him once his son has gone and tactfully explain how I'm feeling.