Need a rant!! Am I being unreasonable?

(17 Posts)
myusername111 Mon 28-Oct-13 16:45:42

DSC mum still sends my oh messages what I can only describe as cutesy messages about DSC. Oh you should have seen her little face today, bless her blah blah blah....Does my head in!! Just need to get perspective.
Anybody got any ideas on how to handle this?

mumandboys123 Mon 28-Oct-13 17:13:27

they're parents, she's sharing parenting moments with her child's father....better than pushing him out altogether?

runningonwillpower Mon 28-Oct-13 17:17:05

Well, if the child in question is 17 then I can see it's a bit annoying.

But otherwise, are you just feeling excluded/threatened?

TwattyBojangles Mon 28-Oct-13 17:22:10

I've been on both sides of this (SM and now LP), and to be honest, as a SM I would have really struggled with those sorts of messages. It takes a lot of work to put your feelings aside and concentrate on what is best for the child. I don't envy you for that.

However, I do send similar messages to my ex about our son. It's nice to be able to share moments about your child with their other parent, and for me it means nothing more than that.

Are there any other reasons for you not liking this sort of contact between your DP and his ex?

MirandaWest Mon 28-Oct-13 17:24:14

I send XH messages about the DC - he sends me ones about them. I agree that the cutesy language could be annoying but apart from that it seems a normal thing to do.

mrsravelstein Mon 28-Oct-13 17:26:11

i think if OH and his ex get on well enough to still send those kind of messages, that can only be a good thing for their child. i still have, in a way, quite a close relationship with my exh, because he's ds1's dad, and sometimes there are conversations/messages which i suppose might be uncomfortable for exh's wife or my dh to read... not because of anything inappropriately intimate between us, just a sort of intimacy that comes from having a child together, i suppose... does that make sense?

Bonsoir Mon 28-Oct-13 17:42:08

Sounds annoying! How do your OH and his exW get on apart from this?

Mojavewonderer Mon 28-Oct-13 18:40:42

I send messages to my ex about the kids everyday. I let him know what's happening with the kids. If I didn't he would moan at me for not keeping him in the loop. My husband used to find it annoying but now he doesn't mind at all.
His ex never texts him about anything, ever. He didn't even get told when his daughter was being so badly bullied she wanted to harm herself. He doesn't understand why she doesn't feel the need to tell him things and if he texts her to ask she just ignores him.
So we see it from all sides and feel that keeping in touch is important for everyone, especially the kids.

myusername111 Mon 28-Oct-13 18:43:54

Well she hates my guts for no reason and said messages come late at night as in 11pm..child is under 7 :/

needaholidaynow Mon 28-Oct-13 19:40:36

My DP and his ex text each other about their daughter about what she's up to and how she is etc..

We had a birthday party for DSD at my Dad's and we took a lovely picture of her with her One Direction cake, and I suggested to DP that he send it to DSD's mum. Her mum sent pictures of her riding her bike for the first time. They're always telling each other about the nice things about their daughter.

It's like me texting DP when I'm out and about with DS1 and we stop off at the park and I text DP to tell him how happy DS1 is, and I send him a picture of him on the swings looking adorable. Or if I'm taking DS2 to get weighed and I ring DP and laugh about how fat our little chubby chops has got since last time. We share these special moments as parents.

I honestly wouldn't raise an eyebrow if DP or his ex texted each other about something cute their daughter has done or her achievements etc.. I'm too enthralled in my own children's cuteness to bat an eyelid anyway! grin

But no, seriously. I wouldn't let it bother you. A few texts about their child and what they've been up to sounds completely innocent to me.

TwattyBojangles Mon 28-Oct-13 20:55:57

If your DP is open with you about the messages and content then just take it on the chin and be pleased that he is playing an active role in his childs life. If you think she's doing it to try and annoy you, be the bigger person and ignore the time etc. Being a step parent is difficult in a lot of ways, and if this is only a small niggle it's not worth letting it get to you.

myusername111 Tue 29-Oct-13 17:26:09

I do think sometimes I need to wind my neck in and this on its own would not be an issue if it weren't for the fact that she says so much nasty stuff through her child about me and the children. Its just a little too much to bear iyswim? Ah maybe I am having an off day but just feel she is taking the piss a little too far.

myusername111 Tue 05-Nov-13 09:17:44

Just an update....he has recently started having more contact and this has lead to more late night texts although all about the child its about f all! Its doing my head in. I have started feeling totally paranoid and wondering if she is calling when he is at work and he is not telling me. She penned a message the other night as if they had been talking all day or something. Its ruining my relationship and I don't know what to do?

mammajah Sun 10-Nov-13 10:38:19

How do they look at each other? Listen to your heart and don't over react if you feel your heart is safe. Parenting is hard, it's even harder when you miss out on all those special moments. Hope all works out x

AmberLeaf Sun 10-Nov-13 10:46:25

Nothing wrong with those sort of messages, but I would take issue wit them being sent at 11pm, I also wouldn't send my ex any sort of message at that time [emergency child being ill an exception of course]

Does he reply to the late night messages right away? The correct response to a message like that at 11pm would be to ignore until the next morning/day.

If he is responding at that time of night I can see why it is pissing you off.

riverboat Sun 10-Nov-13 11:41:17

How long has it been since they split up?

Do you actually think she is trying to get him back by making him feel guilty about the moments he's missing with the DC?

DP's ex sends DP photos and texts about DSS. Not every day but once or twice a week probably. He does the same when DSS is with us. I really don't have a problem with it, I think it's a good thing that they remain friends and co operate in their parenting of DSS. But I know that there is no ulterior motive behind any of it so it doesn't make me feel insecure or anything.

TheMumsRush Sun 10-Nov-13 19:32:34

We have the complete opposite, we get no info at all. Nothing. Not even if one is ill. We may get a confirmation of pick up time if thing have been moved around (hardly ever) but that's it really.

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