To feel trapped in my own fucking home?

(79 Posts)
ishouldbecleaning Sun 27-Oct-13 14:10:56

2 bed house. I have DDs 5 and almost 3. DSS is 11. Sleeps on sofa every other weekend. Which means we have to go to bed at 10pm. Fine. But I dont sleep and being in bed that early when I dont nod off till 2-3am is torture. Had to wake DH 3 times last night cos DSS had turned the TV back on, loudly. The last time was just before 2am. Nothings been said about it. Constantly winds DDs up. (Dds are squealy pains as they all are but he winds them on purpose and frequently) has been telling tales all weekend but then wihin minutes backtracking and telling full story after trying to get girls in trouble.The xbox is on all fucking day. Call of Duty, other games I dont want my kids seeing, scary monsters etc on. Girls only have to go within 5 foot of him and hes snapping, shouting at them. House is small and Im tip toeing around a stropping pre teen whilst dh does nothing to curb behaviour. Every evening is filled with more xbox and
Whatever dss wants to watch.

Sorry just needed to rant.

IsisOhIsis Sun 27-Oct-13 14:14:04

Have you talked to dh about it?

BoundandRebound Sun 27-Oct-13 14:15:50

Can he sleep in your room with dh and you sleep on sofa?

Aeroaddict Sun 27-Oct-13 14:17:23

That sounds horrible for all of you! Is there no way you can squeeze in a bed somewhere for DSS, or have one of the little ones in with you and give him their bed? It can't be nice for him not having a bed at his Dad's house. Re the constant computer games, it sounds like your DH needs to get a grip of that. It can't be good for the girls seeing that all weekend every other week! I'm not surprised you are in need of a rant!

fieldfare Sun 27-Oct-13 14:17:29

Turn the Xbox off. He shouldn't be playing games like that anyway.
Talk to your dh as you both need to be seeing behaviour and discipline in the same way.

ishouldbecleaning Sun 27-Oct-13 14:18:16

Bound we did that for months when dss was living here with us. He damaged my bed and several other things in my bedroom.

Im poorly so probably over reacting.

ishouldbecleaning Sun 27-Oct-13 14:20:09

House is v.small.

Tried having him in with Dds but he purposely wakes them up all night long sad

Glad Im not being an xbox prude!

3littlefrogs Sun 27-Oct-13 14:25:46

Can you sleep in with DDs? Put DSS in with DH.

Your DH should take DSS out for at least part of the weekend, or all of you should go out.

Long walks can be very helpful on so many levels.

Agree that your DH needs to sort this out. He is the cause of the problem rather than your DSS. DH is condoning and enabling DSS' attention seeking disruptive behaviour.

Mojavewonderer Sun 27-Oct-13 14:50:19

How boring being stuck at your dads house in doors with a couple of squealing girls! Doesn't sound like fun to me, no wonder he's winding the girls up and who can blame him!
Get yourselves down the park to burn off some if that energy! He might sleep better too. grin

Tensixtysix Sun 27-Oct-13 14:53:38

What will happen if you stand up to him?

ishouldbecleaning Sun 27-Oct-13 15:01:01

Dh took dss out yday for his birthday and saw family members etc whilst I took the girls to the cinema. We didnt get home till 6pm so we havent been under each others feet all weekend. I am pretty poorly with an infected tooth so feeling extra ratty.

I supppse if Im annoyed with dss I should tell him - dh has no problems telling my two to calm down. And/or discuss it with dh. but dss has had a very hard time the last 2 years and I find it very difficult to whine to dh about him.

Take your girls out and about on the weekend so they aren't subject to his behaviour for so long and won't see his game playing. It always amazes me that a NRP on contact time is happy to let their child sit on iPads/xbox/tv all weekend with no actual parenting or interaction with them

LydiaLunches Sun 27-Oct-13 15:20:20

I would go in with the DDs and leave DSS in with DH. Perfectly acceptable to ban the violent games or allocate a period of time after DDs bedtime to them.

ishouldbecleaning Sun 27-Oct-13 15:26:54

If I went in with DDs theyd want me in there every night and its taken me the majority of this year to fix the majorbedtime issues that they had. Umpteen sleep less nights of Rapid Returning, tears etc.

I encourage dh to take dss out seperately so dss gets dad to himself still. Local area is cack and aside from the park which dss gets bored on theres nothing I can find that will entertain kids that are 11, 5 and 2.

Stepmooster Sun 27-Oct-13 20:05:33

DSS is also 11 and is going through a lot too, but the first thing I did when DSS came to visit us is knock the excessive screen time on the head. I told DH DSS is here to see you not E4 on loop. DSS will always try to get as much screen time in as possible. Now I just remove the batteries from the remote controls, we've decided on 2 hours of screen time for DSS and once that's up then I take the next opportunity to remove them. DSS has never said a word about it, he knows the rules. But when DH first came to live with me I didn't have TV, so DSS had no choice, so 2 hours must seem like a luxury and it's an obvious compromise to please DSS. Upshot is we spend a lot more time as a family than glued to screens.

There is no way in hell we are having an Xbox it would drive me mad, plus DD would probably have a toddler meltdown trying to get hold of the controls from DSS. Going out is an absolute must, DH will do some one-on-one time with DSS and we try to get some fresh air if the weather is nice with a walk.

We've got a 2 bed also, DSS has the top bunk and he's got posters up on the wall around there. It's his space in a tiny house. DD wakes up at 6am everyday so DSS has the opposite problem of a noisy toddler demanding attention from whoever every weekend morning. We grab DD and let DSS have a lie in until about 9 am, he's usually watching something on his laptop in his bed. DH will demand he's up and dressed not much after 9am so not to waste the weekend.

Bonsoir Mon 28-Oct-13 08:45:22

You haven't got enough accommodation for five. This isn't a discipline issue so much as a space issue. Agree with other posters - you need to spend most of the weekend out of the house being active. Could your DDs not spend some time with their father or grandparents when DSS is around?

B00t5 Mon 28-Oct-13 09:05:09

I feel your pain, similar issues here with DSS9, constantly on xbox playing inappropriate games and when it's not on he's running around shouting 'Kill!!' And shooting stabbing etc invisible characters. DH does not seem bothered by this behaviour saying boys will be boys but I find it unacceptable and lazy (of lack of) parenting. I don't have any answers, I've tried the going out thing but SS kicks off because he wants to be on xbox so ruins the day for all, again no parenting and I am prevented doing the job myself because DH protects him. Our marriage is in severe danger right now and we're having a final try at agreeing an acceptable united parenting front.

It's so important that you and DH get this sorted asap because it builds up massive resentment and you can't live with that burden forever. Good luck- remember, it's not just you being touchy!! These are serious issues contributed to by all involved. Get DH on side! xx

ishouldbecleaning Tue 29-Oct-13 14:44:30

DDs spend every other weekend with their Dad. We have all 3 kids on the same weekend because if we didnt, we'd never get any down time, any time to ourselves, or any time as a couple. As it stands we get 4 days a month to ourselves (Im studying full time with Open Uni too) The girls Dad wont commit to any more time with them (thats a whole 'nother thread tho) My Dad lives over a 100 miles away and my mother isnt on the scene. Their Dad lives with his parents, (which is why he cant/wont have them more often, they wont "let" him and he wont move out- however his parents are in their late 60's and exs Dad has had 4 heart attacks in the last 18 months) Also dont see why I should have to palm my kids off on someone else.

We dont have the money to move house, not an option.

Will run all suggestions past DH this weekend when we have some much needed down time.

lynniep Tue 29-Oct-13 14:57:10

I don't really get the 'down time' thing. I wouldn't have thought most parents have 4 days to themselves a month. Thats quite a luxury, and as your current situation stands, I think you might need to address it for everyones sake. It sounds like what you need to to is get yourselves more space at the weekends, and the only way to do this would be to have the children on different weekends. Maybe then you can concentrate on DSS more when he is there, without the girls suffering, and vice versa.

SoonToBeSix Tue 29-Oct-13 15:38:02

I think a child should be given a bed to sleep in, it isnt fair that he has to sleep on the couch. Could you not sleep downstairs with your dh maybe get a futon. If your Dss damages anything in your room he should have consequences.

SoonToBeSix Tue 29-Oct-13 15:40:32

Also I agree with having the dc on different weekends , the children having quality time with their parent is the priority. You do know it's not normal for parents to get two weekends a month "off" don't you?

CrazyOldCatLady Tue 29-Oct-13 16:13:27

Swap weekends. Parents have no entitlement to downtime and it sounds like all of your kids would benefit from the change.

TiredFeet Tue 29-Oct-13 16:26:17

Wow at 4 days off together each month, we don't get that all year! We live in a tiny house and I don't think it is surprising that you are all having problems getting on, it is hard enough with one child, I have to be out and about most of the day or I would go mad. It doesn't have to be expensive, just out for a walk etc. Is there any scope to extend/ rearrange the downstairs space so he has a little bedroom area? And could the tv be unplugged or something at night?

Jux Tue 29-Oct-13 16:42:35

Most parents don't get much child-free time, unless someone's kind enough to baby sit. That's just being part of the real world.

Change the weekend so you have him on his own.

WaitMonkey Tue 29-Oct-13 17:33:31

I agree with the last few posters, he needs to come on a different weekend. 4 day's as couple and down time a month shock . Most people don't get that in years.
If you don't want to do this then, I certainly wouldn't allow him in my room. Your dh also needs to sort out the X box activity. especially the inappropriate games.

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