Stepmum asking about PR for DD

(17 Posts)
BrevilleTron Tue 22-Oct-13 17:37:13

And I'm more than happy to give it to her!
DStep has been in DD's life since she was 5 and she is now nearly 13

In a convo today DStep mentioned that DD had not been able to have the HPV jab at school as she (Dst) hadn't been able to sign the form.
Same thing with bank accounts.
DExp is lovely but pretty useless when it comes to forms.

So I have said yes no problem and have offered to pay half the costs.

If there was ever a life- threatening situation involving DD and me or DExp couldn't be reached. I would trust her judgment implicitly.

And I told her this.

She wouldn't be adopting DD but would just have the same rights as me and DExp.

She said she was worried I'd be hurt!

Not at all
The way I see it is she has the responsibility for DD on a day to day basis. So she needs the rights as well.

Just wanted to share the nicer side of step parenting. I know it is an immensely hard job and I respect you all.

That's lovely! I have an amazing stepmum slightly different situation as my mum died when we were all very young but my stepmum is brilliant, has put up with so much. My respect for her now is immense! If only I could have told my 15 year old self to be a bit nicer! smile

louby44 Tue 22-Oct-13 19:35:32

That's so lovely!

mrsdaisaku Wed 23-Oct-13 14:26:10

Bravo Breville for looking out for you dc's best interests. Its so refreshing and fantastic that you support your respective roles in your dc's life. So sad when a step mother has to keep a distance from dsc for fear of stepping on Mum's toes. What a big heart you have. Shows there is hope smile

TheMumsRush Wed 23-Oct-13 16:48:17

What a lovely post, wish there were more like you thanks

Caramelia Wed 23-Oct-13 23:00:34

Wow, you have a very generous heart. I could imagine that such a request could really kick off a lot of issues. Good for you. smile

IHaveA Thu 24-Oct-13 19:11:17

That is a lovely thing to share. How nice for your DD. smile

bonnymiffy Thu 24-Oct-13 22:31:57

That's truly heart-warming, thank you for posting!

AnythingNotEverything Thu 24-Oct-13 22:40:34

Breville - I think we may be in a similar position with my husband and my DS. My DS' dad is very involved, and thinks a lot of my DH, and it cropped up today in conversation about parental responsibility and whether my DH could open my DS a bank account.

Anyway, I wanted to ask how you do it and what it actually means. Can you enlighten me?

And well done for posting about the forgotten side of step parenting - where people make a positive out of a potentially tricky situation and children thrive!

TheDoctrineOfAnyFucker Thu 24-Oct-13 22:43:35

That's really nice.

BrevilleTron Fri 25-Oct-13 06:51:25

Hi Anything
I'm not actually sure as Dstep is sorting it out.
It means she would have legal status as one of DDs parents and be able to sign forms make decisions and open accounts.
Not sure what it costs but said I'd pay half

bellabom Sat 26-Oct-13 12:08:14

Hi, I just started my own thread about this as have been thinking about suggesting it for DDs mum.

The medical thing is a no brainer for me as it seems very sensible, but I'm not sure about her having a say in what school she goes to and so on... Any idea how it all works?

stella69x Sat 09-Nov-13 21:53:39

Just marking place as Dd has recently gone to live with her dad due to circumstances worthy of a whole other post. Anyway I sorted a PR agreement with dad straight away (as due to age and marital status he did not have it already) which was free just download forms and take to county court to be witnessed and send off.

But step mum is the one with day to day care as a SAHM and generally being the one I arranged contact with previously as 'dad' can be useless at times. Should I agree to a PR agreement for step mum? I'm split 50/50 as in an emergency medical care would be given in the child's best interests and I would always pick up the phone and give verbal consent to step mum as we tend to agree on raising kids, if anything she is more conservative than me but not with emergency medical things.

Sorry to hijack but do I need to give her PR!

AliceinWonderhell Sat 09-Nov-13 23:04:41

My DD has a marvellous DSM; my ex and I have 50:50 care so DD spends a lot of time with her.

I considered Suggesting step-PR - but as I have no idea of the state of my exH marriage, I decided against it - the PR isn't dependent on their relationship, so if they split, then DD would still have three adults with PR. one hopes her SM would be reasonable and step back fr if she was no longer

AliceinWonderhell Sat 09-Nov-13 23:05:44

....step back from parental decisions if she wasn't a day to day part of DDs life - but it's not guaranteed.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 09-Nov-13 23:09:48

What a lovely post smile Such a rarity on MN, let alone on the step-parenting boards grin

fairy1303 Sun 10-Nov-13 18:05:36

I think you sound brilliant.

Have you done anything in particular to build such a great relationship?

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