Help!!

(9 Posts)
cheesecake77 Thu 10-Oct-13 20:32:25

Hi all, I'm new to MN and looking for some advice and figured this would be the best place to get some honest answers!

My DSD used the iPad last weekend whilst staying over at our house for the weekend. She wasn't off the bloody thing all weekend. But hey, not my place to say anything. So she left herself logged into my twitter app on the iPad... I didn't mean to snoop and now I really wish I hadn't kept scrolling.

She comes across as sweet and innocent but she is a 15 year old girl and I remember what I was getting up to at 15 so her persona hasn't always washed with me blush. Anyhow, basically, her twitter has revealed her sexual appetite for want of a better description, she has a boyfriend, but maintains to her Dad, my DP that nothing has happened or will be happening any time soon and how much she wants to still enjoy her "childhood". Blowjobs, anal, girls, the lot. Through twitter there was a link to a Tumblr account, which I've never even heard of. I clicked on it. There are images on there of anorexic girls, female nudity, smoking, tattoos, drug use, suicide references and self harming. There are a couple of images of her smoking but the rest of the images appear to be just random pictures of other people, that could be found on the internet.

Now she has self-harmed in the past. She has been caught smoking in the past but allegedly that was all put behind her about 6 months ago. But the drugs, the lesbian and suicide stuff?!?!?!

I just don't know what to do with this. Do I tell my DP? It will crush him. Do I tell her Mother? Do I tell her directly what I accidentally found?

Our relationship isn't fantastic. Before me and DP got together he'd been single for 5 years so me coming along and "taking her Daddy away" has never really been forgiven but I rise above her sometimes underhand antics and keep the peace the majority of the time. We're civil aside from when she overdoes things in front of Daddy, conveniently.

I'm scared not to do anything about this in case she is in a bad place and is going down the wrong path with the wrong crowd, but I am scared in a sense to speak up because I should never have found what I did on the iPad.

Opinions and advice will truly be appreciated. I'm driving myself crazy with this and DP knows there's something up with me.

Thank you for reading.

Kate x

louby44 Thu 10-Oct-13 21:10:07

Awkward. I wouldn't say anything to your DSD - it's not a good idea. You've snooped and broken trust. (Although I completely understand why you did have a sneaky peek, and have done it myself, just to try and understand these kids somehow).

Definitely wouldn't say anything to her mum!

Whether you tell you DP I don't know? Am sure others on here will advise.

cheesecake77 Thu 10-Oct-13 21:19:08

Thanks louby - I couldn't help it, her twitter page was smack bang in front of me!

That's my thinking - I've invaded her "space" and as much as we're not the best of friends, I don't want her to think I'm out to get her in some way, because I'm really not.

Oh shit!

lunar1 Thu 10-Oct-13 22:29:35

You have to tell her dad. It might crush him but he is her parent and is responsible for dealing with difficult things in his child's life. He will then have to decide how to proceed. Hopefully he has a good enough relationship with his ex that they can deal with it together.

ChinaCupsandSaucers Fri 11-Oct-13 07:04:30

Have you checked if her twitter profile is public? If so, you won't have been snooping at all; just look it up from your account (or without logging in at all) and let your DP know.

Kaluki Fri 11-Oct-13 15:02:43

I was in the exact same situation in a previous life! I had a 14 yr old DSD with a dad who though butter wouldn't melt. She left her bebo account open on my laptop and I discovered that her 15 yr old bf was actually 19 and she had some really explicit photos and messages on there.
I never told my partner (now my ex) but I texted her Mum to say she should watch her online activity.
A week later the school gave talks to her whole year banning bebo accounts and the police gave a talk on grooming and internet safety. I never found out if I played any part in that but I was so relieved when she told us.
To the day we split I never told him that his princess was sexually active at such a young age - much as I ended up hating him I just couldn't shatter his illusions or break her confidence.

cheesecake77 Sat 12-Oct-13 12:47:08

Thanks Kaluki. I'm sitting on it still. I'm still unsure what to do so I think it's best I do nothing ATM. Sigh!

Mojavewonderer Sat 12-Oct-13 16:16:29

I'm sorry but you need to protect this child. Self harming and suicide are not things you can just ignore and hope they go away. You can easily omit the sex stuff and just focus on the self harming and suicide. Imagine if anything happens to her and you knew, how would you feel then.

BonusMum Sat 12-Oct-13 18:45:19

What a tricky situation. I think you need to tell her dad, as others have said he is responsible for her care and needs to know that all may not be OK. Having said that, teenagers experiment and act out without it being the end of the world. The female nudity coupled with the anorexia links is probably more about how she sees herself rather than lesbian fantasies, in my opinion. My concern would be in relation to her self esteem especially given her previous self harming. If I was you I think I would tell her dad but encourage him not to confront her out right, instead he needs to try and get an idea of how she feels about herself and ensure that this is boosted

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