I know I'm the adult blah blah blah....

(33 Posts)
TheMumsRush Sat 05-Oct-13 14:02:43

But my dsd 7 brings up my dm who passed away some years ago. Today for example dsd: "was your mum married?"
Me: "yes, to my dad"
Dsd: "she's dead now!"(with a smirk)
Me: "yes, and it makes me sad" dsd still smirking. I've always ignored it in the passed and changed the subject. Today I told DH it upsets me and she is so blunt about it. He pulled her up on it and told me she was smirking then! What would you make of it? I think she's doing it to get a reaction. She's laughed at her db when he's been upset and crying....can you teach compassion?

TheMumsRush Sat 05-Oct-13 22:19:27

Plus I know she's a child, well aware of that!

TheMumsRush Sat 05-Oct-13 22:26:31

Sorry, that was a bit snappy of me, just don't like the obvious being pointed out and it's been a long day and I'm tired sad thanks again to all. I do appreciate it and have some food for thought x

VoiceofRaisin Mon 07-Oct-13 09:31:09

I wouldn't "pull her up" on it. I would talk to her about how it makes you feel, how she might feel one day when her DM dies and about how she is not going to die any time soon as she is young (this is often a worry for DC around death - they can't help being self centred).

ICameOnTheJitney Mon 07-Oct-13 10:01:06

I don/t think discussing "when your Mum dies" with a SEVEN year old is appropriate Rasin and if someone did that to my daughter, they'd bloody know about it!

Kaluki Mon 07-Oct-13 10:42:48

No child wants to think about hie they will feel when their mum dies.
They should be able to think about how it feels when someone laughs about something that makes them sad.

ChinaCupsandSaucers Mon 07-Oct-13 11:40:15

OP has your DSD seen you upset when she (or someone else) has talked about your Mum?

It won't do her any harm at all to express the emotion you feel when thinking about Mum - if her questions make you tearful, then let her see that, explain that you miss your Mum and that you loved her very much.

DCs often can't quite relate when they realise that people they know/see in one role have other roles as well - young DCs often find it funny when they see their teachers shopping, and realise that they have a life away from school with a home, and DCs of their own, for instance. This might be similar; your DSD might be smirking not because of your loss, but because its amusing that grownups like you have a Mum, just like she has!

TheMumsRush Mon 07-Oct-13 16:03:14

I understand what you are saying and that does make sense. She hasn't seen me upset, and I do hide my feelings a lot. Maybe I shouldn't. I just don't feel comfortable sharing those emotions on that subject just yet x

VoiceofRaisin Mon 07-Oct-13 17:10:26

obviously, I meant subtly! The easiest way to teach empathy is to imagine being in someone else's shoes. So perhaps the DSD could try to think ahead many years and how she would nonetheless feel sad when her mum dies (and everyone does die one day so I don't think you should shield a 7yo from that if they are asking about death). Then she might not keep picking at this open wound. Kids know when they are fobbed off with half truths.

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