MIL's Double Standards.

(10 Posts)
needaholidaynow Fri 04-Oct-13 20:20:50

She thinks nothing about leaving DS1 and DS2 out of everything and always asks to have DSD (to which DP always refuses now after a long period of treating the children differently!). So my DP asked her a question today after her mithering once again:

"What if needaholidaynow's dad left (DSD) behind and just had the boys?"

Well, she thought it would be "absolutely disgusting" if he did that.

My dad has taken on the "step grandad" role with no qualms at all. If he's going to have the kids he'll always have DSD as well if she's here, otherwise it's just the boys when she's at her mum's. He just does it unconditionally and treats her just the same as the boys.

Why the hell can't my DP's mother be a grandparent to her biological grandsons, when my dad takes on his role so willingly in DSD's life when he could have easily have just rejected her?

allnewtaketwo Fri 04-Oct-13 22:09:00

My MIL is the same. Has driven a massive wedge that can't be repaired. She barely sees any of them now. DS barely knows her.

louby44 Fri 04-Oct-13 22:14:23

It's very hurtful. My own parents treat my DP girls the same as my own two boys. But his parents practically ignore my boys.

On Christmas day last year it was very uncomfortable, both sets of parents were at our house for the day. My parents had paid for all 4 children to go to Warner Bros/Harry Potter studio tour and my parents had also bought DP 2 girls a bag of girly stuff, lip balm, mirror, little bits and pieces and a pair of pj's and slippers each.

My boys got ONE big tin of Celebrations to share. The boys didn't really notice and just said thank you. But I noticed and so did my DP; he was pretty disgusted with his parents and we spoke about it later that evening in bed.

His mum is nice enough but she's never really made any fuss of my boys. I know she doesn't need to and my boys honestly have no idea of what is going on. But because my parents (and extended family also) have included DP DD and welcomed them into our family it makes HIS family look a bit mean.

allnewtaketwo Fri 04-Oct-13 22:26:52

With my MIL they're all her blood grandchildren and she still spoils he DSSs

fairy1303 Sun 06-Oct-13 15:33:03

My MIL is exactly the same - involved with DSD to the point of obsession but whilst she sees DS has actually told me she loves DSD more - 'well that's to be EXPECTED fairy, I have known her longer!!'

I think we just have to accept it - however hard and sad - it is her that will miss out, in the end.

needaholidaynow Sun 06-Oct-13 15:46:24

well that's to be EXPECTED fairy, I have known her longer!!

That's horrible. sad Wouldn't blame you if her wacky statements made you that more protective of your poor DS to be honest.

TensionWheelsCoolHeels Sun 06-Oct-13 16:48:30

needaholidaynow, did your DP point out to your MIL her hypocrisy? I don't know if I could hear someone be so blatantly hypocritical and not point it out to them.

needaholidaynow Mon 07-Oct-13 17:45:32

Tension He did. She then started to go on about how the boys are younger and blah blah blah they're hard to look after so it wouldn't be the same if DSD was left out. So apparently she thinks she's not a hypocrite. Crazy woman.

littlemissmousey Thu 10-Oct-13 11:07:14

My mil is worse. She adores dss and Dsd but has never met her new 13wk old grandson?! She has shown no interest at all in meeting him. Hubby has had it out with her saying how hurt he is, after all our son is still her grandson, he holds exactly the same biological position as my hubby's two kids. She is vile though! My family love the dsc and obviously their grandson. I don't know why mil has chosen to exclude my son, it is hurtful but I know my son is loved by everyone else in his life including his big bro and sis

Could it be that she is nervous about having the boys, but feels confident to cope with the girl on her own?

Not that that is a reason to exclude the boys (which is mean and unacceptable) - but if it is why she is doing it, then knowing the problem means you can work on a solution.

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