Sorry, this will be long as I'm just going to put everything down, whether its relevant or not.
My stepchildren have had an awful past 4 years. Their father was forced out of his home (he had met me, I am not the OW, his wife had already left him), their mother got a court order to get them back, however moved them to her parents and carried on with her life. Children were passed back and forth between relatives, staying no longer than 2 weeks in any one place, although this is all within one community and their school/friends remained a constant. It was inconsistent and they had no idea one day to the next where they would be and who with. Contact was denied for nearly a year, then contact was made difficult (us having to stay close by, going to collect them each morning, returning them at night for days in a row, everything we did was questioned in front of the boys). My relationship with the children has always been a positive one, I enjoy being with them and vice versa.
We have had continual contact now for 2 years, 5 weeks of the year split over 4 visits. This is due to distance. The two eldest children have over those 2 years expressed continued interest in living with us. To the point where we have to force them back in the car to return them. Very distressing for everyone involved. We have been in talks regarding stability for the children, we were/are able to offer a stable home, where they will have one parent living with them on a permanent basis and not passed from pillar to post. We had also stated that we would not continue with a residency order if their mother moved back to live with them and parent them on a permanent basis (with help from family obviously). In the final stages, just before this went to court their mother returned to live with them, although throws this in our faces over and over in front of the children (we do not engage in these instances as we will not discuss things in front of the children).
Within two months of her moving back she asked if we would take over parental care of the eldest child. They are the one who has taken the brunt of this awful fiasco. Mother often confiding in them, or taking things out on them. Really quite horrific. So following their visit in the summer one child remained and the younger two returned to their mother. This has all been working quite well, things seem to have calmed down and all three children seem to be happy with the current arrangement. Although it has been up and down, emotional and hard work.
And this is where I get to the current issue. He is a lazy so and so, would rather be on his ipod/watching tv/on his netbook (all things given to him prior to living with us) He previously had no limits on these things, which we have imposed. He can use his iPod as and when he wishes with two conditions - 1. He must have completed his homework. 2. He is only allowed to charge it once a day. His netbook it set up to allow him to access sites for homework and after a certain time it will turn off (or he would stay up til god knows when) His tv only works in conjunction with the netbook. Sundays there are no rules apart from the time the netbook turns off in the evening and his homework for the week has been completed. He is aware of these rules, continually tries to flout them (but that's being a tween for you), but agrees with the rules in principle.
His bedtime on school nights is 8:30 (he is 11) and he has a malt drink to help him get to sleep as this can be difficult. He is almost always asleep by 9:30. He has to get up at 7 as we leave the house at 8 and I have two other children to get up and ready too. One day last week and also for the past two mornings he has totally refused to get up and dressed. Resulting in my husband doing it for him. He plays the ragdol game collapsed on the floor etc while my husband is putting his socks/pants/school clothes on him. It is really frustrating and upsetting for everyone. We have tried talking to him (he totally switches off - this is not a new thing if something happens that he doesn't like and also did this with his mum) Once he has his clothes on and comes down for breakfast there is no issue.
Please, has anyone any ideas?? This can't happen every morning, getting him to school, others to childcare/nursery and work it is a huge problem.
Other info - My eldest child has ODD, I am used to dealing with teen defiance, but he would shout/scream whatever his problems was. I couldn't always fix it, but at least I knew what I was dealing with!
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Step-parenting
Need help, really don't know what to do about mornings.
ThisWayForCrazy · 01/10/2013 12:26
Sorry - helpful 3 year old 
Unfortunately he has to be taken to school due to catchments in this area, it would be a 50 minute walk 
Either I take him or my Dad does as he goes passed our house and the school a few mornings a week.
We have a settling in parents evening next Tuesday so will talk to his tutor then. X
Just thought I would update. We've had a few mornings where the threat of going to school in his pajamas has done the trick. This morning, however, he was still in his pjs outside the school, refusing to put his uniform on and refusing to go in to school. It was hubby who took him today and of course, ended up bringing him home, dressing him and taking him back. I won't be able to do this, I don't have time. Today I was able to take the others to nursery before work. I won't be able to fanny around. He's been warned that I will just drive off. But can I do that? Is it an acceptable humiliation? Do I view it as a natural consequence? This morning he just collapsed on the pavement wailing, in front of the other kids.
I've suggested hubby speaks to the doctor, gets a referral to camhs. He's so mentally screwed up from everything. But I don't want to make things worse as his mother often threatened to "take him to a doctor who will send him away to naughty school" 
We give him love, support, strength, patience. But I'm running out and so is hubby.
he actually wailed on the pavement in his pjs in front of the other kids???
That is disturbing imo.
I would definitely seek professional help for him.
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