Am I wrong to feel annoyed about this situation with Stepson?

(15 Posts)
Series Thu 19-Sep-13 14:08:58

Hi looking for views, will try to give story as briefly as I can.

I'm a single parent (3 children) and my partner who I don't live with has 1 son age 10 and we have been together 2 years.

How things always worked were one week partner would have his boy on Saturday (on his own) then come to mine in evening for rest of weekend then the next week he would have his son from school on the Friday being him to mine, sleep over (with my kids) and next day the Saturday my kids would go to there dads and we would do something in afternoon with just Sam then take him home to his mum! Now this always worked well no probs I spent every other week with then and one week they had there own time.

Now since around April partner has hardly seen his son, he would just refuse to spend time with his dad unless it was to sleep at mine with me and my kids, I know the reason for this was because he was BORED and FED UP!!! partner likes to drink and it was just getting to him hanging all day saturday on sofa and doing nothing with Sam, or not bothering to pick him up on a Friday in favor to go to the pub with mates saying it was pointless and he would just have him on the Saturday!!!! Also want to add that fine that Saturday when he woke hanging I was the one who got into the car at 8am and down the 70 mile round trip to pick him up, bring him to mine for few hours only to put him back in car at 4pm to do the 70 mile round trip again !!!!!!! Yep I know your all thinking MUG��

So after months of hardly seeing him and speaking to him they have started seeing each other again, but partner as ruled me out totally he says that Saturdsy is his and his son time!!!!! Now this would be fine if it was but since this began 8 weeks ago all he has done on a Saturday is meet with his mates to play golf and taken Sam along and then taken him to his local pub so he can sit and drink beer with his mates and have odd game of pool with Sam!! Yet I'm still good enough to bring Sam to mine on a Friday night to sleep (as he has nowhere else) to take him, and good enough to get up on a Saturday morning and give him breakfast while partner stays in bed until midday hanging!!!

My question is am I being unreasonable feeling like I'm the only one being excluded from him and Sam time when his friends and the pub haven't!!

Petal02 Thu 19-Sep-13 14:25:11

Have I understood this correctly? Sam stays at your house on Friday night, then your partner takes him to golf/pub on Saturday, and you're excluded?

Is there a 'Travelodge' sign over your front door?

purpleroses Thu 19-Sep-13 14:35:42

Would you want to hang around the pub with his mates all afternoon with your own 3 kids in tow?

Sounds like your partner is not really into family life. Either he spends all his time with his mates, or he sits around on the sofa drinking whilst you do all the running around with his son hmm Is he very young? Or just not really got there yet with being a dad?

Does sound like he needs some time with his dad to repair the relationship but unless his son really enjoys golf and hanging round with his dad's mates in the pub it sounds unlikely to work. Won't it soon be a bit cold for golf anyway?

And, yes, you were a mug to be doing all the driving unless there was a very good reason why your partner couldn't do it.

From what you've written it's very hard to see why you want to be with your partner.

Series Thu 19-Sep-13 14:36:46

Yes every other week this is what's been happening, sleeps at mine on fri then I deal with his son on sat morning getting him fed etc (plus getting my own 3 ready to go off to there dads!

Then alternte week I don't see them at all as he only has Sam

Series Thu 19-Sep-13 14:39:18

Sorry posted before I finished

On alternate week I don't see sam as they only spend sat together and partner drops him home on way to mine!

This as only begun last few months before I always spent the day with them every other week!

Am I wrong to be feeling put out or am I just a selfish cow who is only thinking of her self (like partner called me when I mentioned this set up)

Series Thu 19-Sep-13 14:43:51

Thanks purplerose, usually when I was allowed to be included with Sam every other week we didnt sit in the pub! My girls are not around on Saturdays as they are with there dad!

My partner is 38 so no not young, he does find family life tough which is why I don't want him moving in yet ( currently stays 3 nights a week) he was only married to SAMs mum for 2 years and left before Sam was a year old, he than just got around having meanless sex with pretty girls! I know he l

Series Thu 19-Sep-13 14:45:17

Done it again'!!!

Was saying I know he loves me and that it's a lot to adjust to, guess I'm just coming to realise we don't have much future especially with his drinking x

theoriginalandbestrookie Thu 19-Sep-13 15:01:50

Dump the "D"P and keep Sam in your life - it sounds like he needs a loving adult. Seriously though, I know you can't do that.

Your partner doesn't sound great - what sort of a person lets his DP do all the dropping and fetching and then drags his son around pubs etc.

Mindmaps Fri 20-Sep-13 06:58:56

Your partner sounds a bit shit, I bet he has no input with your kids? Keep him as a fab if he's good in bed , otherwise dump his arse.

Fairy1303 Fri 20-Sep-13 07:36:57

Lets break this down.

Ordinarily I would agree with spending dad-son time.

Going to the pub is not this.

He sounds lazy and irresponsible and expects you to pick up his slack.

I don't say tis often but LTB

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Fri 20-Sep-13 08:40:08

At 10, sam is old enough to get his own breakfast. And send him into the bedroom in the morning to get his dad up. Theres no reason he cant be turfed out of bed, is there?

tbh, he really doesnt sound like someone you can expect a happy family life with. You already know hes a boozer who puts alcohol and his mates above all else. Dont tie yourself to him expecting him to have a personality transplant. He will be what he is now. Proceed knowing exactly what you will get and dont be surprised when you get it.
or choose to not proceed cos its not the life you want.
really, its up to you.

Kaluki Fri 20-Sep-13 11:15:58

Oh dear. I say run for the hills. You are being used.
I can see this from two perspectives. My ex was an alcoholic, he had a DD and she used to only want to see him with me and my dc as if he had her on her own she would end up sat in a pub or indoors while he drank on his own. We split up (nastily) but I stayed in touch with her and her Mum. She is 21 now and a beautiful intelligent woman who has little time for her Dad.
Also as the DD of an alcoholic (go figure!!) I spent so many 'days out' waiting in the corner of a pub watching him and my stepmum play darts and drink themselves stupid.
Its no fun for the children or for you.
LTB - sorry !

mumtobealloveragain Fri 20-Sep-13 14:15:25

Why are you with this man? He can't look after his own child for a day / night without putting getting drunk before his son's needs, why on Earth would you want that as a male influence in your children's lives.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but I have always firmly believed that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat their children, and he doesn't treat his very well does he!

DizzySometimes Sat 21-Sep-13 03:32:43

I agree with the others. I don't think you're being selfish at all expecting some alone time with your partner and for him to take responsibility for looking after his son.

He sounds like he's quite happy for you to do all the running. He also sounds like he wants to live like a single man, so let him, and show him the door. Just think of all the time you'd have to do stuff that you actually want to do!

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Sat 21-Sep-13 03:55:12

Your partner is a real prize isn't he? hmm
He sounds like a useless father and partner. I just can't understand why you would want him in your life. He's using you and your home.

I totally agree with mumtobe you can tell a lot by how someone treats their child. How would you feel if he were treating your DC like that? I'd be ficking livid over the whole thing.

I feel incredibly sorry for Sam. What rotten luck to have such a shit dad.

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