can anyone offer any insight?

(5 Posts)
confused53 Mon 16-Sep-13 10:27:40

How did your new partner feel about being with your children if he didn't get to see his own as much as he liked?

If the guilt of being with another family was too much, how did you deal with it?

Kaluki Mon 16-Sep-13 11:59:13

We had a similar problem when we first got together (and still do in a way). DP used to virtually ignore my dc when his weren't around and when the DSC were here he would suddenly go into 'dad mode'. This confused my kids and they got a bit resentful about him telling them what to do only when his dc were around.
TBH we had serious words about it and he admitted he felt guilty being a 'dad' type figure to kids that weren't his. So I pointed out all the things I do for his dc when mine were at their dads and he saw sense!
Since then he has made a huge effort but occasionally he slips back but now he has a good relationship with my boys and they are fine with it.

louby44 Mon 16-Sep-13 19:04:44

My DP has hardly any relationship with my 2 DS. I know he feels guilty that he doesn't live with his own DC and he's admitted that he worries that his own DC will think he prefers my DC to his own. He moved to where I live which is about 40 miles from his DC.

It's been one of the only things we argue about and the fact that he believes his children a 'perfect' and mine are 2 rude, disobedient kids has also been an issue.

Up until the summer his kids have on the whole been well behaved with us but have caused their mum major problems. He doesn't seem to see that what my 'normal' children do is happening in millions of homes up and down the country and if his DD's lived with us they wouldn't behave perfectly either!

The only time he relaxes with my boys is on holiday!

confused53 Mon 16-Sep-13 22:16:31

Thank you.

lostintoys Tue 17-Sep-13 11:33:00

My partner has the same problem and it got particularly bad over the summer. We've talked a lot about it and I think he now realises that it has a large impact on our relationship and on my happiness and he's making more effort. Not perfect now, but getting better.

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