Jealousy over my ex's partner

[Sarawak]

Has anyone had the experience of having to deal with their teenage children being with ex husband's girlfriend, and them getting along well? May sound unfair of me, but it makes me so unhappy and jealous, even though my kids and I have A great relationship. Please can someone out there tell me it gets better with time?

[Emilyeggs]

How long has it been? I would say it gets better but then I'm talking from the step mums perspective. My DHs ex I think is indifferent to me now, I think there was a bit of jealousy in the beginning but I think she now realises I'm no threat to her. I have a good relationship with my dsc (most of the time lol) and I hope she sees my relationship with them as another person in the world looking out for them and caring about them, that can't be a bad thing in my eyes. And your dc are older and probably see her as just a friend, my dsc are quite a bit younger so look to me for things they would ask their mum for when with me....drinks, food, bum wiping! (in the early days) so try not to get jealous and see that she's just another person with their interests at hart and be happy for that....it could be a lot worse x

[Kaluki]

Just remember you are their mum and nothing compares to that.
I used to get a pang of jealousy when ex and his GF took my kids out to places I couldn't afford and they would come back raving about how great she was but I was glad she was nice to them and would have hated it more to have them saying she was mean to them.
You do get used to it.

[balia]

A bit of perspective is a wonderful thing...one of my ex's g/f's was a real cow to my DD, made it clear she wasn't wasn't welcome, resented her visits etc. So when they broke up and he got together with someone nice and normal, with DC's of her own, I was really relieved. In fact we got quite friendly and I was happy that DD had another adult in her life she could count on. specially as her dad was such a spectacular arse

[VBisme]

Would you rather they didn't get on? Because that's the alternative, and would be horrible for your children.
She will never take your place (and probably doesn't want to), so please try and be supportive of this relationship.

[purpleroses]

I get on well with my teenage DSC but don't feel the same towards them as I do my own. And I don't think they'd ever see me as anything equivalent to their mum. With teenagers especially I really don't think you have anything to worry about. You really have to be their parent to find them lovable sometimes

[TheWinterOne]

I think it's great that they get on. I'd much rather that than someone who couldn't stand my children being around. No matter how well they get on though, you are and will always be their mum and nothing will change that.

My DH has children from a previous relationship and we get on great. I'm not their mum though and would never try to be. They have a mum and to them, despite how close and well we get on I'm still just a member of their extended family.

[ChinaCupsandSaucers]

sarawak Can I ask a question from the opposite perspective? What would help you?

My teen DSD and I have developed a relationship recently after years of her rejecting me in order to appease her mum - she's now reached an age where she is prepared to defy her Mum and enjoy spending time with me and her Dad despite her Mums behaviour, but I can't help but feel an element of guilt that she is putting up with it.

Her mum is open in her dislike of me, and actively expresses her unhappiness and jealously - crying when DSD chooses to spend time with us, and seeking opportunities to hijack plans.

What, if anything, can I do as a stepmum to help Mum come to terms with things? What would help you? What do you need to hear from your DSD stepmum that would go some way to reduce those feelings of resentment, anger, jealously that you are feeling - and that your DDs undoubtedly have picked up on?