I guess I just need to vent. Dsd 14 lives other side of country with her mother. Two weeks ago, Dh texted her to ask her if she would come & stay over Oct half term, as she is at boarding school so he only gets to see her in holidays. The reply? "Only if you take me & a friend to Disneyland". Dh was never going to show me that reply, but it came in as I was passing him his phone.
Now, we have 5 teenagers between us. We have always said that WE decide holidays, and the children don't dictate. Only last year my dd made a request and dh's answer was "I am not going to be told where I have to go". Fair enough!!
You can imagine what comes next.. Dh has now told me that HE really wants to go to Disney. He is desperate, clutching at straws, even willing to go to Florida at Xmas if that's what it takes.
Part of me feels sorry for him as if I say no he won't see her, a other part of me is furious. What do I do?
Exactly Witch, if one of your children asked to do the same (go to Disney and take a friend) you would probably say no, so he should be able to say no but I understand it must be hard for him, he wants to see his daughter and doesn't want to upset her in case she cuts contact completely, its a hard position for him to be in but he probably knows that it would be wrong to say 'yes' to her.
My Dh sounds very similar to yours, he is petrified of losing contact with his 3 children, one of them (the eldest) has pushed him so far that he rarely has any contact (which really upsets dh but we could not afford to give in to his demands and it was unfair on everyone else in the family), my dh lost his mum when he was 11 so also has that huge fear of losing the people close to him.
I hope you manage to sort it out, I think if it was me I would offer dsd something else (something more reasonable), maybe a day trip out with her friend? I often do this with my dsd (she asked for a party last year for her 13th, I said no but offered for her to have a friend over to our house for a special birthday dinner and cake) that way she can either take it or go without anything and you still have a big say in what she can and cant have.
That's really interesting Marne about your dh having lost his mum early and it influencing how he deals with his children, as my dh sites the same reason for the way he is. Thanks for the advice to offer her something else, well worth a try x