Hi,
I have 2 sds aged 9 and 12 and one dd of my own, not my partner's.
We've been together 4 years and are getting married next year. My dd lives with us all the time, my sds are with us every weekend and holidays.
We're getting an extension built so they can have own rooms but they all share at the mo, which causes tensions.
Most of the time it all goes well but sometimes I get very stressed and I'm on anti anxiety medication. When I get stressed, I sometimes totally blow up. This happens maybe once a year but when it does I know from everyone's reactions that it's extremely scary.
I say things I shouldn't and really scream, and it totally freaks the kids and my oh out.
The other night it happened again over something ridiculous. My dd had slept in one of the other's beds as I had stripped her sheets and hadnt had time to replace them (I work full time in a v v stressful job). For some reason I had brought her breakfast in bed that morning, a total one off.
I had made sure sheets were clean and there was no mess spilled, or thought I had. That night when they all went to bed I heard a commotion and went through to see the oldest sd running downstairs and complaining loudly to her dad about something. It turned out there were 4 cornflakes in the bed. Oldest sd was saying it was a huge mess (it wasnt her bed) and my dd was looking terrified.
Oh then came upstairs and said ''I told you not to let her sleep in that bed'. I lost it because its me who keeps the room and always makes sure it's nice for them, and such a big fuss was being made. I lost it out of all proportion though, oh started shouting too and when I said something about the oldest sd having caused a fuss when she shouldn't have he yelled 'she's a lovely girl' and hugged her as if he was shielding her from me. I was shouting to be listened to and the younger sd, who's a lovely sensitive wee soul was crying hysterically and shaking.
I then went out of the room and came back in saying something about maybe I should just go snd leave you to it. Oh said if we break up she will have think its her fault forever, I said how could a child break two adults up, although I'm sure she would like to.
My whole reaction was totally wrong, hurtful and scary, in fact I feel that I was being a bully and I just don't know what to do to make up for it.
When things calmed down I went and said sorry to all the girls, gave them a hug and told them it wasn't their fault and that I won't drag them into dn adult argument again. I have also promised the same to my oh and an determined never to shout at them or argue in front of them again.
He was extremely upset and was saying he just wanted there to be an us but I wouldn't let there be. He said I often talk very harshly to his daughters and tell them off for minor things all the time. I have to admit he's probably right as I am far too over protective of my dd so I jump in where I shouldn't.
He is now very worried as when he drove them home last night, they asked questions all the way about my reaction. This was two nights later so they were very affected still. Apparently they also remember every detail of the other times I have blown up.
He will hardly speak to me now and won't hug me etc. I can't stop thinking about the girls and worrying about them and just don't know what to do.
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Step-parenting
Made a huge mistake, don't know what to do
11 replies
Xfitmamma · 09/09/2013 19:23
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