Dsd and Dss are teens and are very immersed in their social lives as is often the case at their age I expect. . We see them roughly fortnightly but this varies and is not 'set'. We also have a DS who is 6. He misses them badly when they are not here but has understood the situation up till now. DP has also mentioned to DSC that it would be nice if occasionally they thought to ring/ FaceTime to speak to DS when not with us. Quite often we suggest a time to do this and they say its not convenient. When we arrange a convenient time, they've forgotten. They don't reply to texts often. We pay for credit for their phones when it's needed so not down to that.
I'm sure this thoughtlessness is pretty standard teen behaviour. However over the last fee weeks DS has been very down about it. He mentions it at bedtimes, in the car etc "do DSC not like me any more/ I think they've forgotten about me" that kind of thing. We do reassure him of course and do try to organise for him to speak with them but as I mentioned this is often a painful process and relies on them answering their phones etc.
So questions are, has anyone else experienced this and how much in the way of contact to you expect from teenagers when not with you? Should we be firmer or leave well alone?
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Step-parenting
How much do your older DSC stay in touch with younger siblings?
Allsnugintheirbeds · 08/09/2013 15:43
My stepkids barely contact their dad unless they want something and never contact my youngest child. If they do speak to her it'll be on the back of a rare call to their dad, and one in particular seems to revel in being unpleasant - unnecessary name calling, "teasing" (according to DP who'll never admit to them doing any wrongdoing). Frankly, with that in mind I've given up caring if they call or not - and my DC very rarely ever expresses any notion of "missing" them - which isn't altogether that surprising (what goes around, comes around I guess). By contrast, my oldest child (big gap) who's now left home regularly keeps in touch with youngest - often buys small token gifts etc - and my DC often says they miss them.
Years ago, we had terrible contact issues - sporadic contact, followed by periods of no contact, some of them very long. During those times my then much younger DC got terribly upset with the whole "don't they like me", "do they not want to come because of me" etc - it was horrid to deal with so I do understand where you're coming from. The particular circumstances of the contact problems (a whole great other story) meant I felt quite angry towards them as I felt that they were old enough to make some effort towards their youngest sibling - and again, despite the semi official stance of "no contact" they were quick enough to get in touch just before birthdays or Xmas 
. Anyway - I personally feel that although teens are "typically" self centred and thoughtless, it's still not expecting too much of them to show some kindness and consideration, sometimes. I'd keep "reminding" them the way you have been - and as you're paying for their phones, perhaps drop hints that that might have to be "reviewed" if they don't make a little time every so often. I don't think a 5-10 min call once or twice a month is really asking too much however uncool or bothersome they might think that is.
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