Help me please before I lose the plot

(9 Posts)
hurryup Sat 17-Aug-13 21:32:50

Uc - 5 are mine, aged 15-5. 3 are his, aged 10-6. Mine see their dad regularly and now have good- ish relationship with him after counselling but witnessed lots of physical and emotional abuse during our 15 yr marriage, dss mother died sad so are with us 24/7. The alternate weekends that mine are at their dads are pretty taxing as all 3 boys and dp regress to being the bachelors they were before we moved in.

hurryup Sat 17-Aug-13 21:27:39

Wine is a good idea and I'm going to combine this and yoga. It is just bloody frustrating to see all the hard work fall apart and dss3 miss out as a result. The others had the best time and he was like a 3 year old, not joining in at a party just standing at the side clinging to his dads legs. I've been really immature now and told dp that its his mess so he has to sort it out which isn't true but I'm not going to let the others miss out on the limited time they get as one of them is unable to think. He was asked to go to bed, I just found him at the top of the stairs in his pjs waiting for dad to tell him to get into bed! Grrrrr

allnewtaketwo Sat 17-Aug-13 19:57:57

I have no tips, I have turned to wine. And 'going out for a bit' doesn't really cut it after 10 years

UC Sat 17-Aug-13 19:24:25

How are the children divided? I mean, how many are yours, how many are his? How many are joint?

Can you just go off with your own for a bit?

Have you raised this with your DP? It sounds really really unhealthy for everyone, and in that I am including you, your kids, his kids and him too.

RandomMess Sat 17-Aug-13 18:33:20

Tackle your dp on his enabling behaviour??? Get dp to rotate his 1 to 1 attention with the dc.

hurryup Sat 17-Aug-13 17:35:10

10 years! Jeez I'll be an alcoholic by then. It's made so much worse by the fact that my dd is 5, a school year behind and doesn't do this regression. Any other tips? Trouble is he monopolises dp so I get the other 7 who miss out sad

allnewtaketwo Sat 17-Aug-13 13:28:04

I was going to suggest you sloped off for soe time to yourself, before I noticed there are another 7!

Sympathies. At age 6 there is a looong way to go though. It's still very young but still your DP shouldn't be encouraging regressive behaviour.

Tbh though your description of the 6yo smacks very much of my 17yo DSS, who hasn't developed really at all behaviourally since I met him aged 7. He does all the things you describe except the baby voice sad

hurryup Sat 17-Aug-13 11:53:01

He's even talking in a ridiculous baby voice. I am going to the loo to have a scream I think angry

hurryup Sat 17-Aug-13 11:50:40

Omg, 1 week on holiday and dss3 has regressed from the lively 6 year old independent boy that he finally was after a year of me being step witch and school having strategies to how he was a year ago - eyes down cast, sucking fingers, shuffling along, unable to think for himself or do anything for himself. The reason? Dp allowing /encouraging it. So dss 3 has had 1-1 attention most of holiday and other 7 kids had me. How the hell do I detach from this one?

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