im torn

(61 Posts)
longtether Sat 17-Aug-13 07:06:01

I have two lovely step kids but I just resent them existing so much. If it wasnt for them I could have dps first child and we could be a proper family with no added issues and dramas and baggage that comes along with step kids. I just resent them so much I hate it when we do anything with them because it should be our children we're doing everything with not some other lasses. When my children come along it won't be special to dp. He'll have done everything before he has got a boy and a girl it will be nothing new to him. I was hoping when I had children he'd be less excited about seeing them selfish I know but its more likely any children of mine will be the other ones and get left out. I love him and don't have the strength to leave him but why should my children come second fiddle to kids he didn't even want?!

feelinlucky Sun 18-Aug-13 20:39:41

You're in luck. There are plenty of men who couldn't give a shit about their kids but I would suggest you have a good one and you should probably keep him. I doubt your feelings are that unusual but they're children and you seen like a nice woman. Please remember you can damage children and try to change your negative feelings. Good luck to you. Would you really want a man who put anyone before his children?

ChinaCupsandSaucers Sun 18-Aug-13 21:46:10

He has a girl then a boy so each time ues had something different.

When they are squawking babies, whether there's a willie in the nappy or not makes not a blind bit of difference!
Gender differentiation really isn't a huge deal with babies and young DCs - they all want to push the dollspram, ride a bike, kick the ball, make mud pies and wear nail polish regardless of gender!

If you are treating your DPs DCs very differently because of their gender then you might benefit from some parenting classes - maybe you could go along together smile

brdgrl Sun 18-Aug-13 22:52:25

don't know whether to laugh or cry at notion that the only thing that makes one child different from another is their penis or vagina.

Please leave him.

Pimpf Sun 18-Aug-13 22:59:59

Are you for real?

If this is genuinely how you feel then you should do him. His children and yourself and end the relationship now.

They are his children and always will be, he will always have a relationship with them and their mother (good or bad). If you can't handle that now it isn't going to get any better

fackinell Sun 18-Aug-13 23:07:43

grin Brdgrl.

All children are individual. My DSD is quiet and shy but very funny and creative when you know her. I just have a feeling if we are successful with extending our family that I will have the gobbiest of gobshites imaginable (and trust me, as one, I will deserve it.) I can't wait to see my DSD with her sibling, she will be fantastic, I just know it!!

OP I really hope you can come to love your DSC, good foundations can be built on the flimsiest of common grounds: music, movies, shopping, there must be something...at least you know your DH will be a fantastic Dad. Please don't write your DSC and marriage off until you've given it your all. It's the least they and you deserve.

ChinaCupsandSaucers Sun 18-Aug-13 23:11:27

thats what im afraid of incase he isnt excited for our children cos its nothing different.

He sounds like an arse. Either that or you have a very low opinion of him. I'm assuming you don't think that all parents with more than one child of the same gender lack excitement in their DCs? This is just your DP that you think will behave in this way, isn't it?

Either way, your relationship is in trouble if you genuinely believe that your DP won't be excited about any other DCs he has cos he's already got a boy and a girl.

I'm not sure who to pity more; you, because you're with such a selfish man, or him because you think he's like that.

SoupDragon Mon 19-Aug-13 07:20:52

When I have a child its either a girl or a boy nothing different to what his got

FFS. Do you think children are little clones?

Stop bleating about your non-existent precious children and how you, a non parent, believe your OH will feel and actually read what people have said. And then bog off and leave that family alone.

ChinaCupsandSaucers Mon 19-Aug-13 07:40:51

soup I think the OPs DP must have expressed these feelings to her - either directly or indirectly, which is why she is so upset and resentful.

Noone could just imagine that their DP will feel that way without some evidence, surely?

Either way, Why on earth would the OP even consider having DCs by a man who she thinks (or who actually does) have such a selfish attitude?

SoupDragon Mon 19-Aug-13 07:47:56

Why on earth would a man consider having children with a woman who resents his children so much?

ChinaCupsandSaucers Mon 19-Aug-13 07:50:23

I assume that he either thinks its Ok (in which case he's an arse) or he doesn't know how the OP feels.

Either way, it's a train wreck of a relationship!

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