Am I the disney parent?(5 Posts)
Or have me and my partner got different ideas of whats important in parenting? I've been told my Ds (10) wraps me round his little finger, ie, I still make him breakfast/ drinks with tea, he does a few jobs round the house, doesn't come straight away when I call him - its always in a min! However, if he is told not to do something he doesn't do it. He has been brought up to not use bad language, fight, respect and not offend people and not ask for things/money. If any of these happen I tell him off.
My partner's kids use not very nice language (this is challenged by him) if they're told not to do something they still do (usually not followed through) ask for money/stuff. However they are a lot more self sufficient, ie, making their own breakfast.
Am I disney and pandering to my DS or am I just mothering?
Well, I do think it is quite hard for any parent to take an objective view of how they parent, and even harder for Disney parents, since part of the 'disorder' (for lack of a better word!) seems to be an inability to rationally judge one's actions! So, take any responses you get here with a grain of salt. It is also often more about how things are done than the things themselves, if that makes any sense. Could it be that your DH is bothered by the assumption that you will do for DS, by the pattern of behaviour rather than each individual thing in itself? How often do you say no to DS, or tell him to wait, or get him to chip in versus being waited upon?
Do all the kids live with you part or full time? What are the ages? Are there house rules, or just separate rules for each?
What are your DH's actual complaints? There must be more going on here than just breakfast and an occasional cup of tea, surely?
As for specific expectations, OK, here is my personal view.
Breakfast. For a ten-year-old, I'd expect him to get himself a bowl of cereal or make toast for himself on the mornings in the holidays. I would not expect him to do more than that. If a school morning, I'd probably lend some assistance, but would expect him to be doing it with me - not me doing it for him. We only do cooked breakfasts (brunch, really) on the occasional weekend in our house, and I prepare that for everyone.
Tea. At ten? I'd still do it. But I wonder if your DS acts the way my DSD did (and has barely stopped doing, at 18) about hers - ordering DH about, expecting him to drop what he was doing the minute she wanted tea/water/food, using it as a tactic to interrupt us when we were talking or watching a film. And I'd be sure I was showing him how, so that in a couple of years, he could be making tea for others as well as himself.
Cold drinks? No, a ten year old can get those himself.
Chores. I think a ten-year-old should have some age-appropriate jobs around the house (you say yours does, right? Does your DH think they aren't enough? Do his kids have them?) and there should be some kind of consequence if they aren't done and done reasonably well/timely.
Coming when called. I'd be surprised if there are many ten year olds who don't dawdle when called. But if it were more than this - like just ignoring me when I spoke, altogether, or needing to be called a dozen times (rather than, say, 2), or a disrespectful attitude, I would not be satisfied with that.
It is certainly true that people care about very different things.
I don't think the things you describe is Disney parenting at all.
My DS is 10 and I probably do things for him that he could easily do himself - this is more out of habit than anything else. He does a few chores about the house but I do pick up after him too much, but he's my youngest and I admit I baby him a bit
He is a normal 10 year old boy though. Lazy at times a bit cheeky at times but he knows where the boundaries lie and how he is expected to behave and the consequences of bad behaviour.
IMO kids who are 'Disney' parented have no boundaries or consequences for bad behaviour and therefore have little or no respect for others. That's the difference.
I would say he's not being Disney parented, but he is being babied IMO - I expected a lot more of my 10 ten old DD - who was not only preparing her own breakfast, but making her own packed lunch for school, ironing her clothes (with supervision) and other daily household chores at that age. She cooked the occasional meal at that age too, and does it regularly now she's 12.
DSS doesn't do nearly so much (hes 10) he's here one week in three, babied by his mum, so behaves in a fairly incapable way here, unfortunately.
High school is a good time to drop babying but he'll always be your first concern and doing nice things for him won't make you a Disney parent. Equally he might save you the bother of doing something he can do for himself or recognise when you and/or DP need a hand with a chore.
A Disney parent never corrects behaviour and indulges through spending or excessive leniency, to my way of thinking.
Between the pair of you the DCs will surely pick up a notion of what's tolerable and which lines not to cross. If they are canny they will all know whose buttons to press and whose not to. If you're all under one roof the trick will be to convince them all the two adults present a united front.
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