Why do I feel so hurt by this?

(7 Posts)
RinseAndRepeat Wed 07-Aug-13 17:52:07

Very odd.

Maybe he didn't want you to rush back from your well earned trip.

Maybe he fancied a bit of one on one time with his kids.

But surely he could've been honest about either of those things.

It's very disturbing that he'd lie to you so openly. How weird that the whole time he was telling you he didn't know when they were coming back, they were right there at home.

I don't think I'd be able to let this go until I got some sort of explanation that made a shred of sense. And I'm not sure I can imagine what that might be.

Kaluki Wed 07-Aug-13 12:41:53

I would give him the benefit of the doubt but tell him you felt excluded and hurt. I think the lie would concern me more tbh I can't bear being lied to whatever the reason!

Sadsmum Wed 07-Aug-13 12:40:20

You're probably right feelslikea1sttimer. I suppose I feel like he should have know how much I (and DS) wanted to see them and disappointed as I wanted them to feel welcome when they arrived back rather than be spending most of the time alone.
I think this is an extension of many things actually. Despite everything I do for DSC's and our good relationship I'm still very often the last person to be told what's going on and frequently feel like a lodger in my own home.

Feelslikea1sttimer Wed 07-Aug-13 12:21:41

I would feel a little like you do, but I also see what your DH is saying, maybe he thought you would enjoy your break away and wouldn't want it interrupting. I am wary of posting/reading on MN as sometimes I think there is a LTB mentality and a bunch on men haters when actual fact he could well have been trying to do the right thing... I would be inclined to say, give him the benefit of the doubt, what other reason could there be for a lie that would be so easily found out?

Sadsmum Wed 07-Aug-13 12:17:39

That's what I'm trying to figure out.
He says it's because he wanted me to have a nice trip away without having to worry about DSC's. I'm not quite sure I buy that

theredhen Wed 07-Aug-13 12:15:10

Why do you think he lied to you?

Sadsmum Wed 07-Aug-13 12:12:00

I'm feeling so upset and excluded today.
Have 2 teenage DSC's who I get on well with and think the world of. The older lives with us (very rarely stays overnight with her mum) and the younger is with us 1/2 the time. I spend a lot of time with them, probably more than DH due to his work situation and have been in their life for many years. I definitely do more of the everyday parenting type things than DH does.
They've been on holiday with their mum for the last 2 weeks and DS (2) and I have really missed them, as has DH. We weren't entirely sure when they were coming back to our house, so as I have some time off work I decided to take DS to stay with a friend at the weekend on the understanding that DH would let me know when he heard from them so that I could come back & sort out their bedrooms/ shop/ make the house nice for them and be there when they got back. DH works long hours so wouldn't be at home.
So, after many calls and texts to DH with him telling me he doesn't know when they're coming back I decide to come home last night, only to find them in the house and DH at work. After lots of hugs etc I told them they really should have told me or DH that they were coming and they tell me they've been here since Sunday!
So while telling me that he didn't know when they were coming back DH knew they were in the house. I'm so angry with DH and upset by the situation. I would really understand if he's been there and had wanted some time alone with them but this makes no sense at all. I'm just looking for some perspective on this.
(I'm a semi-regular frequent name changer)

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