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So pissed off with DH!!!(62 Posts)
Arrrr! Need to vent! My DH has to work on access day and I told him I'm not going to have the skids, its his time with them, not mine and to rearrange it so he can be with them. More to the point, I have a 7 month old who, at the moment is really hard work and I value the little bit of free time I get when he's asleep! (No family to have him for me so have only ever had a 4hr break from him when I was ill). Anyway, DH was going to take the skids out got a few hrs then drop them back to their mums so at least he saw them a little. He didn't really want to do the long drive and then have to find places to take them. Sooo...after a row and him making me feel bad I said we can have them tonight and I'd look after them tomorrow. This means I'm not on my own all day today and we can all have fun together. He's just called (after I'm thinking they are already quite late) and told me they have twisted his arm and is taking them to a fair!! I'm pissed off and feel I've been taken advantage of as now we won't have the time together (the whole reason they were staying) and I'm still going to have to have them tomorrow! Aibu? Maybe I am.
There is obviously a very fine line between fitting them into family life with regards to time spent with both of you or just you and relying on you too much when he should be making the effort to get time off work or arrange them for days off. I hope you manage to figure it out. With regards to your baby, any chance you can get a baby sitter or get dh to take him out so you can rest. ?
Use I think DH can have him for a day, take him out somewhere, it's either that or I snap! Everyone need "me" time
In my experience step families seem to do this one of two ways. Either the biological parent takes full responsibity for the care of the step children (with regards to bei g present during contact) and the step parent "helps" when asked but doesn't feel responsible for them as such, or, both the bio parent and step parent take equal responsibility in a similar way to a "normal" family would with their children.
In our family my step children are here 50% of the time, is my partner is working then they are here with me, he doesn't ask me, I do the same as I would for my child and our child, the children are treated the same by both of us. This works for us and I wouldn't be able to be comfortable or happy if it was different.
I think the point is that child care arrangements should be made by mutual consent, like Troubled who has an agreement which clearly works for her. . But when child care is landed on you, with no choice or right of appeal, that's when resentment starts.
We have regular contact times. If dp has to work unexpectedly or is busy ferrying other kids around, I do accept some of that "child care" of his kids fall to me. It's good for continuity for everyone.
What offends me is when my partner (like op partner ) arranges extra contact time and then isn't there!
I feel this is very unfair and not respectful.
I have told my DP what my expectations are regarding me looking after his daughter. These are the following:
1) If DP is at work or whatever, I only look after her during the set days every week that she is meant to be here.
2) Any other day when it isn't his set days, particularly if I have plans, I don't want him ringing me telling me that his ex wants me to have DSD/ pick her up from school etc... And be expected to drop everything. I've told him that this will not happen. His ex knows I'm off, but I don't want her thinking I can be taken advantage of.
3) I've asked him that if he arranges to have DSD on any other day, that he makes an effort to be at home at some point that day.
4) Let me know of any changes so I can plan ahead!!!!!
Emily, how did it all pan out in the end?
Well, DH took dss to work with him leaving me with dsd. I took her swimming but don't drive so got the bus (you can walk it), not a problem, but my god dsd moaned about walking! She moaned from the bus stop the the pool, we had lots of fun in the pool although a tad stressful for me. Then I treated het to a wimpy. It's just up the road from the pool, and she sulked about walking there. We ordered out food but she was worried about the walk home even though at this point we had hardly walked at all and had food and a rest. When we got to the front door she informed me she was going straight in to rest! TBC.... Baby crying
When we got in I left her to it, she got some paper out and did some drawing, I joined in and all was well. I told dh that one day was enough for me. When DH and dss got home dss asked if they were staying another night as dss wanted to go with DH to work again. DH said they had to ask me! This put me in a very awkward situation as I had informed him I couldn't do another day babysitting but it would fall on me to be the one sending them home. Thankfully something happened and we all got side tracked. In the end dsd wanted to go home as she was missing mummy. DH took her home, she told DH on the way that she had had a nice day which I'm glad about. Dss is with us still and still going to work with DH. Dss happy, dsd happy, DH happy and their mum happy
I agree withBonkerz here- my 4 year old SS comes whether his dad is around/busy or not as he is part of the family just as much as ourDD. I love and treat him as my own and whilst I can't deny the love for my own DD is a slightly different kind of love I would never act in a way that showed this or voice this.
When I met my partner I made a commitment to him and his son and would never dream of turning him away because his dad was out or busy.
Having said that obviously all situations are different and I don't judge OP at all- just wanted to back up Bonkerz that her viewpoint wasn't as rare as it is seeming
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