Not sure what I expect from this thread, as it all seems quite petty, but I can't talk to DP about it, as he won't hear a word said 'against' his precious DDs so I am just stewing and hope to hear some of your tales of woe to make me feel better!
DP spends a lot of time with me and my DCs while his are with their DM and has recently taken it upon himself to have a quiet word with mine when they step out of line, not in a parental way as such, but just as another adult, telling them they need to step up and try not to make my life harder. They all take on board what he says and respect him.
When I have words with his, they get all tearful and go running to him, making it seem that I'm some kind of monster for daring to tell them not to do something (I usually include my DCs in the 'telling off' for equality and fairness.) He says he knows I wouldn't be mean to them, but by their reactions he'd have to be a saint not to think badly of me!
I try really hard to teach my DC some boundaries, not to interrupt, not to whine or you don't get what you're whining for, that money doesn't grow on trees etc. He also expects this level of behaviour from my DCs but he gives his everything they ask for, and plenty that they don't, even after saying no, he will give in and doesn't see anything wrong with that. He literally can't say no to them, to the point where I question plans because he has told them something different to me, just to avoid saying no to them, only to have to tell them something different later.
I find I'm losing respect for him as a parent and as a man, each time he indulges them. It makes me feel like I'm too hard on my DCs, I end up feeling guilty, doubting my own values and motives and I resent spending time all together as I see the imbalance and I end up feeling like shit, but he seems to think its all rosy. He does pay for lots of stuff for my DC and enjoys being with us all, so it's not all one-sided, but I just find it so frustrating that I'm trying to teach mine to grow up and take responsibility while he is backing me up and then babying his own.
Sorry, rant over and I can't even give specifics because it would be too identifying in RL (I'm THAT sure that nobody else with kids of the same age would consider treating them the same way!)
Please just tell me I'm not alone and give me examples of things that will make me think "it could be worse!"
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Step-parenting
Need to vent about Disney dad!
TwoStepsBeyond · 25/07/2013 21:38
Thanks China. From the odd discussion I've tried to have a talk about it, he is not open to change 
and just turns it around to how my kids behave and that he doesn't think we parent them so differently. I know I could never live with him because of the differences in the way our DC are expected to behave, but he's happy with that as he thinks it wouldn't be fair on his DCs if he lived with us full time and they were only there half the time.
He feels bad that he doesn't see them every day (he has them 50/50 though) so he thinks there's nothing wrong with wanting them to have everything they want when he's with them. He and ex both treat the 5 yo like a baby and that makes the older one want to be babied too, as she doesn't get half as much attention as he sister.
I've tried to help my DC to be independent and grown up from an early age, dressing themselves, getting their own drinks, but knowing that they have to ask for snacks etc. He also seems to expect a lot from my 6 yo, getting impatient with her if she's upset, whereas his get cuddles and attention for crying and being unable to do things for themselves.
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