is there any success stories out there?

(4 Posts)
in2minds22 Tue 23-Jul-13 11:27:09

I am in a relationship now for nearly 18 monthsto my dp who has two dc . I am building a good relationship with them and we have an fairly good relationship with the bm. He can see the kids whenever he wants and she has never had any problem with me seeing the kids and would never slag me off it turn the kids against me. She is happy with her boyfriend and has moved on. My dp wants a child of our own within the next year as he only says his existing children one night a week. He says he wants to be full time dad and have a family. But I am in 2 minds. From being on here is it seems like step parenting is a life punishment. Are they any success stories? If so, whats your secret?

LJL69 Tue 23-Jul-13 12:15:45

I don't know if ours is a success story but I love my DSC (21/19/15) My DD is 9 and they love her and vice versa. I have been exceptionally lucky as my lovely dad is my step dad so had a really positive experience of being a SC pre embarking on the journey. My SC are totally lovely and a real credit to their mum and dad (and now me and their step dad by default!)
It hasn't always been easy but again I have been lucky in having DH's ex W support. (to the point that DH had been telling her on the phone that DSS had been cheeky to me about something - 10 mins later doorbell rang and it was her. She said basically "where is he?" then went with him into room , closed door and bollocked him!) The teenage years with the older two were difficult (both boys)and we are coming out the other side of it now. (we have 50:50) and tried lots of different variations of that to find one that fits. I found it easier as they weren't specifically horrible to me - DH got the same treatment My SD is 15 and just a great kid. No horrible teen there.
My DH was great (despite some disney stuff in the early years) and helped my keep the future in mind as in - its tough now but we will reap the rewards
The only difference in how I now feel about my DSC v my DD is the physical love feeling. I love them like I love my best friends or my parents but dont have that "punch in the gut" love that I do for DD. But I do love them a lot. I found that the faking it until you feel it really worked.
We now are about 10/11 years in and the boys are making noises about getting a flat. I will really miss them. I love the weekends when they are going out and ask my opinion on what they are wearing. I love the chats about girlfriend issues. I love the hugs that bring a lump to my throat because I have to reach up to them now they are grown up. My DSD was on holiday with her mum last week and I really missed her. I had to keep facebooking her links to tops I was buying for hols for her opinion!
They are my greatest allies when I need them..dealing with big spiders right through to helping out with DD when I am tired. This is the reaping bit!! My DSD is great role model to DD (far better than me as she is studious, responsible and sensible!)
I think it all is specific to the people involved. I KNOW I have been lucky. My best friend has listened to me rant some terrible things and never judged me. They have all got on my nerves over the years but then bio kids can do that too. In my case it has been worth the effort and difficult times. But as I have said a lot in this post...I have been very lucky

LJL69 Tue 23-Jul-13 12:16:02

God, that was long!!!!

UC Tue 23-Jul-13 13:00:31

Well, I think the two most important factors in making it successful are a) having the ex's support and b) working as a team with your partner, being a united front and backing eachother up.

It sounds as though LJL has both of those. I too am lucky enough to have both of those. I get on very well with DP's exW. I have also had situations where one of my DSCs has behaved badly towards me, and I have been supported by both DP and his ex.

I am also happy that my DCs relationship with my DSCs has become settled. Despite teething issues (went on for about 2/3 years!), they now support eachother if one of them is hurt, back eachother up in the playground. This is really profound for me, because at one stage I worried that I had done the wrong thing by introducing step siblings to my DCs.

I also have one very good friend who is also a stepmum, and we do a lot of our venting to eachother. We both understand the difficulties, and never judge eachother for our feelings.

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