Dsd is 12 nearly 13, dss is 10 nearly 11. I've been with dh for 4 years, married for 2 and last year we had our own baby. Dsd and dss have always found it hard to accept me even though I am an innocent party. Now things are coming to a head with dh's xw. She says they hate coming to our house because of me. Apparently I make them "put their own socks and pants away". This is a reason they have given to both her and dh to explain why they don't want to come round. I wash and iron their clothes and put them in their rooms but usually I leave them on their bed/just inside their room. I do this as Ive never felt particularly welcome in their rooms and don't want to invade their privacy plus I believe that at their age they should be putting their own pants and socks away. Pardon the pun but sock it to me - what do you think???
Two years ago, I told my SD (17) to sort her room out, or I would sort it out with a bin bag and a charity shop bag. A little harsh, maybe? I had, for 2 years, put up with her tip of a bedroom, complete with dirty undies, overpowering body odour, vomit stained clothing rolled in a ball and shoved under the bed. We (her dad, my DH and I) had, in that period of time tried asking nicely; joking about the mess; gently reminders to put her soiled knickers into the linen basket, in her room; to use the waste basket in her room rather than throwing dirty tissues/makeup wipes/coke can on the floor. Nothing. No response. My final "do something, or I must" came about when we had a male care worker coming into our home to help with my disabled son.
We haven't seen her since because..... I am unmotherly/cruel/sly. She's now 19 years old. It makes it difficult when we have her sister (24) and brother (22) visit. I get on fine with them. Particularly, eldest SD.
SD never wanted me in her dad's life. I walked on egg shells with her for years. The first time I put my foot down, in all that time, she left. I'm convinced she was waiting for a confrontation, any confrontation as an excuse to state her grievance that dad had a new wife. I was not the OW. Dh's first marriage ended after his wife's affair and her refusal to give up her lover.
OP, you have been entirely reasonable. You are NOT at fault. And there are posters on this thread who have no idea what they're talking about.