New SM so please be gentle

(18 Posts)
watchingout Sun 16-Jun-13 12:19:39

Fairly new to this game but done a bit of lurking smile

The issue today is the my SD 19 has not made any attempt to contact DH for today (fathers day) or for his birthday last week. His son is with us today and has done his best, with obv no help from his mother. I am so tempted to text something sarcastic but I don't want to inflame a potentially sensitive situation. Bu I am hopping mad angry

It doesn't take much to just make a phone call. She's up cos she 's tweetingsad

Any device for a gently worded text?!

Tryharder Sun 16-Jun-13 12:24:17

Seriously?

I would keep out of it.

Neither my DCs or I have done anything for Father's Day either. What a load of hyped up media tosh invented by card manufacturers. I haven't got my dad a card either and I am 42.

Maybe your SD feels that your DH doesn't warrant a card. Or maybe she's 19 and just can't be arsed or has forgotten.

Concreteblonde Sun 16-Jun-13 12:41:58

Are you serious ? She's an adult. It's lunchtime on a Sunday and she may still be in bed with a hangover and is planning to call later. How on earth do you think a sarcastic text is going to help ?

allnewtaketwo Sun 16-Jun-13 12:57:25

If she can't be arsed or has forgotten then it will be obvious to your DH how thoughtless/selfish she is. Not only for FD but also his birthday. Leave her to it, you can't make a thoughtless person think, or a selfish person be kind. Not at this age anyway.

MNEdBlackpoolWiganandSalford Sun 16-Jun-13 13:16:38

Stay out of it, the daughter is an adult, you say the son who I am also presuming is a teen has obviously had no help from mum, why should she? My mum does not buy me a fathers day present to give to my dad because I am an adult. Once children are old enough to chose their own and use pocket money to pay for it I stayed out of it in terms of my exh.

allnewtaketwo Sun 16-Jun-13 13:24:52

"His son is with us today and has done his best, with obv no help from his mother. I am so tempted"

I read that as an appreciation that the DSS did it without help from his mother, not as a criticism of the mother hmm. Jeez, some people are so eager to see the worst in everything a SM says

watchingout Sun 16-Jun-13 13:40:19

I know a sarcastic text is not going to help Concrete - I have resisted the temptation and was asking for advice for gentler words.

However I will take the general consensus she's a pretty typical thoughtless teenager and leave alone

Going back to lurking now and muddling through in my own sweet way

MNEdBlackpoolWiganandSalford Sun 16-Jun-13 14:10:28

allnewtaketwo
Not at all, I have been a SM.

What I meant is no good can come from a sarcastic tweet to an adult child from the step mother about about the child's father. I have no doubt the daughter would have taken offence and it would have kicked off.

I think this needs to come from the father if he is upset or bothered about it.

MNEdBlackpoolWiganandSalford Sun 16-Jun-13 14:13:53

text sorry.

I think whether OP could gently contact the dd would depend on what their relationship was like and how long SM had been involved.

If they had a good relationship I would be tempted to do/say more in a "are you coming round today, dad would love to see you" way

Areyoumadorisitme Sun 16-Jun-13 14:21:35

I'd agree that you're best to bite your tongue. I have bitten my tongue many times when DSDs forgot cards for birthday, Father's Day etc.

Your DH will have noticed and I would bite your tongue to him too as it will only make it more upsetting and drive it home.

I think it is the first year both DSDs have sent cards and they have been here on time, they are now 22 and 24 so it took a while!

Areyoumadorisitme Sun 16-Jun-13 14:22:50

I should say that I've kept out of it despite having been around DSDs for 19 years and getting on very well with them.

Areyoumadorisitme Sun 16-Jun-13 14:28:11

I should say that I've kept out of it despite having been around DSDs for 19 years and getting on very well with them.

Stepmooster Sun 16-Jun-13 20:06:43

We've just had a father's day meltdown here too. I asked DSS if he wanted me to get him a card and I did. I also got a present for DH from DSS. I gave DSS the card yesterday but he never bothered to complete it. I found the gift and I gave DH the present as a thank you from me.

DH had a massive go at DSS about it when he was dropping him off today. DSS knows how much it means to DH and his excuse to DH was, “I got you a card but didn't have time to write in it?!” Cos he was too busy with his PC.

Think this is end of disney dad behaviour. DH pays for his phone, pocket money, trip to disneyland in April and spent a fortune at cinema yesterday.

I would say if your DH is that bothered he should initiate any texts or conversations. Otherwise you'll be the bad guy.

watchingout Sun 16-Jun-13 20:52:20

Well I've bitten my tongue and there's been no contact with DSD at all hmm and I guess that's the way it will stay until she wants something

babyhmummy01 Sun 16-Jun-13 21:35:55

You could just text saying "sorry to interfere but ur dad is a bit upset not to have heard from you, would you give him a call when you are free and say happy fathers day"

As long as its nice I can't see it doing any harm, she is a teenager and has prob forgotten.

Muchadoaboutnuthing Mon 17-Jun-13 08:59:45

Same happened in our house, dsd was 18 last week and dh travelled a significant distance (we're talking well over 100 miles) to see her and give her a card. He gave her £200 cash as well as assorted gifts from me and her brother and sister and yet she couldn't even be bothered to send a text/card/fb message or anything. Our own kids who are only 6 and 10 made cards and picked out and wrapped their own gifts as they always do without any prompting. I'm sick to death of her attitude. And its not an age thing, we have an 18 year old foster daughter who can have a terrible attitude at times and has only known us for 2 years who sent dh a text telling him to enjoy the day, even though she wasn't even here for the weekend.

Kaluki Mon 17-Jun-13 12:42:51

For the first time ever the DSC asked me to take them shopping for Fathers Day presents this year. DP was really touched.
However, DSD made sure that she told him they had bought more bigger and better presents for their Mum's bf. I don't know why she does that - I wonder if her Mum has told her to or if its a power thing. Last year she couldn't even be bothered to make DP a card and said she had already made one for her stepdad. He was gutted.

dotcomlovenest Mon 17-Jun-13 13:36:45

Don't get involved. Be kind to your OH and remember teenagers are very selfish.

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