So this is the scenario, how would you deal with it and/or your dh/dp (sorry it's a long one!)

(126 Posts)
K8eee Sat 01-Jun-13 20:18:57

Right so here it is...

Dh has dss every school holiday and he was due to pick him up Tuesday morning just gone, early.

He drove 266 miles to dss home town and stayed with a mate over night. They ended up going out, he stayed up later than he should've, but got 6 or so hours sleep. He picks up dss Tuesday morning, and heads off approx 7:45am back home to me. With half hour or so he feels tired so pulls over into a service station on the motorway, parks up in the corner out the way of anyone, locks himself and dss in the car and explains to dss that because he is a but tired he just needs to rest his eyes ready for the long drive home. Dss has his ds and dh phone to occupy him for the 45 mins dh rests. Once awake, dh quickly runs into the service station, grabs a red bull and makes his way home and gets here safely.

Now, what is your judgement on my dh and his actions? Sensible for stopping to rest, or irresponsible and unsafe for resting with dss in the car.

Dh ex went absolutely ballistic saying he was irresponsible, and now is refusing dh to have dss in the car with him. This has resulted in us having to pay for her fuel to come and pick him up. I was very reluctant to let dh give her the money, but all week she has given us grief, and has pummelled dss with phrases such as 'you're not safe with daddy in the car anymore' and 'you're never allowed to go to your dads ever again' which I also have has to answer questions from his to justify the reasoning for why his dad had a cat nap before the long journey.

PaperPomPom Sat 01-Jun-13 20:34:26

It depends a bit on how old DSS is, and whether he stopped due to tiredness or if he was feeling funny (as in still a bit drunk) from the night before?

K8eee Sat 01-Jun-13 20:37:30

He is nearly 7, and would never dream of trying to get out of the car. Dh had only had a couple as he knew he had a long drive to following day

CaptainSweatPants Sat 01-Jun-13 20:39:25

Well he was sensible for stopping & resting

but

I'd bet anything he was hungover

K8eee Sat 01-Jun-13 20:40:34

As I said previously, he wasn't hungover he only had a couple to drink.

VinegarDrinker Sat 01-Jun-13 20:41:55

I would be seriously unimpressed with his behaviour, as a partner or ex-partner

PaperPomPom Sat 01-Jun-13 20:42:19

I'm with Captain I'm afraid.

NatashaBee Sat 01-Jun-13 20:44:24

The ex's behaviour is OTT and she shouldn't be making those comments in front of her son, but.... Your husband should have made sure he was safe to drive. Do you think she'll rethink when she gets bored of doing all the driving?

Rainbowinthesky Sat 01-Jun-13 20:44:49

The scenario was fine until you said he'd had a couple of drinks. this must have been a fairly short while before attempting the long drive. I would be really cross.

VinegarDrinker Sat 01-Jun-13 20:44:55

Also, the fact he had to stop and nap makes me seriously doubt he had had 6 hours sleep.

JumpingJackSprat Sat 01-Jun-13 20:47:17

My dp would never ever drink the day before he had to drive such a distance with his son in the car. if he had to nap on the way back then he wasnt fit to drive and should have made sure he got enough sleep the night before.

I'd be fucking fuming.

Your dp sounds completely irresponsible and wholly selfish and I wouldn't let him drive my ds back, either!

Rainbowinthesky Sat 01-Jun-13 20:50:28

It sounds very odd that he had to stop after driving for only half an hour. No way he had 6 hours sleep and/or wasn't still feeling effects of the drink.

K8eee Sat 01-Jun-13 20:50:52

He's not stupid in that way though, if he knows he has a long drive he won't go out and party. He was in bed by midnight or just after and had to be out the door by 6:30 in order to get over to dss.

This is the first time she has driven the whole way, but would only do it if she got petrol money. I have offered to do the trip there and back but dh said that's not the point. I was nearly in years when I put dss to bed last night with his plea of wanting to stay with us longer and wanting to visit us againsad it breaks my heart to see him and dh getting upset and I just know there is sod all I can do but be there for them both as and when I can

This is your dh's fault, OP!

I would bet my house that he got a lot less sleep than he's telling you. Or he drank a lot more.

K8eee Sat 01-Jun-13 20:55:24

Walter I'm well aware.

Well I know my dh, and he doesn't drink often and when he does its not a lot anyway, as explained previously.

With respect, you weren't there.

I've never heard of anyone having to pull over after a small amount of time driving because he was so tired, who'd had enough sleep the night before and hasn't over-indulged.

I mean, he must have been extremely tired to lock himself and a six year old child in a car and then fall asleep, leaving the child to his own devices.

You say there's no way ss would have gotten out of the car. You can't possibly know that for sure and neither could your dh!

God. When I think what could have happened!

I think he should give ds's mum the petrol money, apologise for being such a twat, and thank his lucky stars that nothing awful happened.

K8eee Sat 01-Jun-13 21:04:41

I couldn't function after only 6 hours of sleep, I can't even after 8 but have to! Bear in mind he had beet up for over an hour at this point too.

So do you think that this should justify him never seeing his son again? Or never being allowed in a car with him? Surely leaving a child in a car while you quickly run into a shop while you pick up some bread, milk or essentials isn't any different?

Rainbowinthesky Sat 01-Jun-13 21:05:13

How does she know? I am assuming she knows your dh pretty well and maybe she is aware of him having done it previously. It does seem very odd to stop after only half an hour and need to sleep.

Rainbowinthesky Sat 01-Jun-13 21:07:05

My 74 year old mother regularily drives this distance and although she does stop on the way, never after only half an hour.

K8eee Sat 01-Jun-13 21:07:25

He's never done it before. She asked why it took so long for him to get back here, and he had typical half term traffic, but dss said that his dad had to pull over and sleep.

It wasn't a deep sleep as if he wouldn't of woken up at any sound.

He's a grown man. He had six hours sleep. He'd only been up an hour. Come on, OP!

No I don't think ds should be stopped from seeing his dad. However, I would have huge reservations in letting your dh drive him back.

And the fact that you can compare leaving him to his own devices for 45 minutes to nipping into a shop for bread? Mind boggling!

K8eee Sat 01-Jun-13 21:09:18

He regularly drives long distances but has been working a lot more in the past few months, which has caught up with him I think. Maybe some of us need more sleep than others.

Can anyone justify though why ex is stating she won't let dss come here again?!

he had typical half term traffic, but dss said that his dad had to pull over and sleep

So he was ly

K8eee Sat 01-Jun-13 21:10:33

Walter read the original post. He popped into the service station to get a drink. Yet again another hang up she has. Haven't we all as kids been left in the car at some point in our lives?

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