Once again I am the wicked Step mother!!

(17 Posts)
needaholidaynow Thu 30-May-13 21:14:00

My god it's at a whole new level tonight. MIL is having a go at me because I'm planning on taking DS1 to Blackpool Zoo next week. DS2 (3 mo) is staying with my mum and I am going when DSD is at her mum's and will also be at school for the day. DP has a job interview in Manchester so I have put a bit of cash together for me and DS1 to do something nice for the day (weather permitting!)

MIL asked why I can't do it this week while DSD is off so she can come with us. For one it will be packed this week and I haven't been too far away from home on my own with DS1 before, let alone both of them, it will be more expensive and well, I want it to mummy and son's fun day out and be a memory I can cherish just the two of us as we won't get to do it a lot. She has accused me of leaving DSD out and treating her less favourably.

She reduced me to tears earlier but I stuck to my guns, also informing her that DSD is coming on holiday with us in July.

I really am at a loss.

Kaluki Thu 30-May-13 22:05:14

Well she needs to get her beak out and mind her own business.
Is your DH fine with it? If so then ignore your MIL and have a wonderful day with your ds.

needaholidaynow Thu 30-May-13 22:21:08

Yeah he doesn't have a problem with it. He knows we'll all have some fun in the school holidays so he really isn't bothered. It's just my MIL being very PC about it all. She thinks I'm tight.

Sounds like an attempt to spoil your fun. Ignore her and have yourself a lovely day with your son xx

brdgrl Thu 30-May-13 23:11:34

Just ignore her. Don't be the least bit apologetic, either. If you start letting anyone frame these things as though they are a problem, they will become problems - when they don't need to be. (sorry, I'm not putting that very well.)

Xalla Fri 31-May-13 05:30:07

Ignore her. You're entitled to do 'fun stuff' alone with your DS whenever you want to. Maybe suggest your MIL takes DSD to the zoo if she's that bothered..

StillSlightlyCrumpled Fri 31-May-13 06:08:42

Just ignore her, don't let her upset you. It's a bit cheeky of her to interfere like that.

We are always being told to make individual time for each child, nothing to feel about. Enjoy your day out. smile

allnewtaketwo Fri 31-May-13 06:13:24

Your DH needs to have a talk with her and let her know in no uncertain terms that how his family operates it none of her business and to butt out. Honestly, get it nipped in the bud

sanityseeker75 Fri 31-May-13 11:58:48

Just ignore her or ask her if she is speaking to DSD's mom to take your two with her when she does something???

It has taken me years of conditioning of DH to realise that we are allowed a life when my DSC are not at ours as he used to worry that if my DS said we had been somewhere then his DSC may be upset by this. We have DSC's EW so I am talking about little things like going out for tea or having a BBQ or even watching a film together!

It is part of blended or step family life that there are times that you will do stuff on your own and time you will do stuff as a family and as you are not talking both your children I can't see how this is treating DSD less favourably.

WandOfElderNeverProsper Sat 01-Jun-13 02:16:16

sanityseeker I have to say similar, often. People forget that when DSS isn't here, he isn't at the workhouse! He's at his Mums. Doing things with his Mum. Without us!

I have answered before, all breezy-like, when I've been asked where I'll "be taking DSS for a trip then" (asked totally passive-aggressively by MIL) - "oh I'm not sure yet, I want to find out where his mother is taking my DDs as I wouldn't want them to go to the same place twice" blush

It worked though. And no I'm not totally mean and I don't exclude him from anything deliberately I just refuse to spend my life waiting round moping - especially as he certainly isn't doing the same with us!

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 01-Jun-13 09:45:17

do your day out and enjoy it, shes being ridiculous. we are the same, sometimes i want some time with just ds so shoot me, sometimes i cant afford to do something with three but can with one thats just how it is. they do things with their mum and family and vice versa. id not take ds off somewhere for the day and leave them at home but when they arent here they arent here thats it.

needaholidaynow Sat 01-Jun-13 09:52:19

* - "oh I'm not sure yet, I want to find out where his mother is taking my DDs as I wouldn't want them to go to the same place twice"*

Excellent! grin

The fact is, DS's life doesn't go on hold when DSD isn't here. MIL can whinge all she likes.

She's a bit weird really. She thinks we should have DPs exes son with her new partner round as he's part of the family apparently :/

needaholidaynow Sat 01-Jun-13 09:55:48

She thinks it will be nice to have him round but I'm sorry I will only accept DSD as she is DP's daughter, not any of his ex's other children!

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 01-Jun-13 10:04:53

grin its genius. we arent going on holiday this year we literally cannot afford it. sc are, does that mean i should ask if ds is going too grin stick to your guns

chocoreturns Sat 01-Jun-13 10:13:42

try not to let it bother you - families are weird! My ex MIL has been married 3 times, has children of her own from two of the marriages and step daughters from her second marriage, plus step-DC and stepDGC from the last.

Her step daughters are treated exactly as her own daughters are (which is lovely) She also considers me to be her DIL regardless of the fact that I am now divorced from her DS, as I am the mother of her DGC. Which is lovely. I do wonder how that must sound to XH's new DP though. She would also consider any future children of mine to be 'family' as they would be my DC's sibling, even though they would be no blood relation to her (may be how your MIL sees your DSD's sibling?)

TBH I think my exMIL thinks like this because her own family set up has been so diverse and rambling that she just prefers to see everyone as one big extended family. It's great when it's helpful, but when she cheerily tells me how marvellous my XH's new DP is with my baby DS (she was the OW when I was pg, sadly) it does get a bit close for comfort. In her world we'd all get along and be ever so glad that we all know each other, regardless of context.

I try to let the bits that bug me wash over my head and appreciate the bits that are nice. And who knows, in 25 years, I may well be having cups of tea and cake with my DC's stepmum, even though she was OW. I know ex-MIL certainly is with the other DGP in her kids/step kids lives. It does strike me as a bit crazy but there you go!

Yep, families are odd grin

racmun Sun 02-Jun-13 20:44:21

Your MIL is being mean. I'm sure your DSS mum takes him out for the day without being guilt tripped by anyone and you be able to do the same with your child.

Just ignore her rubbish, don't pander to it and have a nice time.

tigerrose Tue 11-Jun-13 14:10:06

I think that the MIL and sometimes the husband forget that you have to live too. Life in your house does not stop jsut because your stepchild is not there. If your kids are not allowed to do nice things when your step child is not there then they will feel punished as ask why they are not as special. esp if the stepchild is doing nice things when with their mum! go ahead enjoy your day and do it again.....

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