Why do I feel this way and how do I make it stop?

(12 Posts)
WhateversNotTaken Fri 24-May-13 10:22:33

Since I got pregnant I find it really hard to be around my DSD.

I had a miscarriage last year and I remember while I was still pregnant last time I felt the same way. Didn't really want her near me or touching me. Found myself feeling really irritable around her. Then once I wasn't pregnant any more those feelings all went away.

This time, one of the things that made me suspect I was pregnant again was my sudden aversion to her. I know it's awful but I can't really get a handle on why I'm feeling like this. Is it some weird hormone thing?

This weekend she's at her mum's but her mum asked DP if we could have DSD on Sunday night and DP agreed without asking me. That's just sent me over the edge. I thought we'd have a nice weekend, just us, and now DSD's going to be here for some of it. I'm crying about it like a loon. What the fuck is wrong with me? I've got a meeting soon and I really need to pull myself together.

sanityseeker75 Fri 24-May-13 10:43:19

It is probably you feeling protective and vulnerable - I feel like this occasionally with my DSC (and DS if I am really honest) despite the fact I love them all dearly (sometimes I just can't be arsed with all the hassle). Usually if I feel down about something else or very stressed. I don't think it is a reflection on you maybe it is hormonal?

You DP agreeing to have her when you expected a peaceful relaxing weekend won't have helped and will probably make you feel a bit more resentful than normal - this is likely to add to your already doubting yourself.

Nothing wrong with you, as long as you can try and put your feeling aside when DSD is there hopefully it will pass.

All the best and congratulations

I felt like that about my own DD (who was 7 at the time) when I was pregnant with DS2.

It's those fucking bastard hormones.

I managed to keep it supressed but (this is awful) I found it physically repulsive to touch her. Awful, awful time for me and I still get upset thinking about it now.

Fake it until you make it, is my advice.

I agree. Faking it is the only thing to do. You don't want to feel like this, you know it isn't fair to feel like this so pretend. Maybe also suggest dp take dsd to the cinema or out for a meal on Sunday night whilst you have some time alone. Blame headache/pregnancy tiredness if necessary.
As for why - yes it's hormones. It's absolutely basic animal behaviour. You want the best for your offspring and a rival could steal some of that. In stone age times you'd be sweating about whether you could feed both of them. Now in the 21st century we need to defeat those feelings because it doesn't apply - doesn't mean we're not still wired that way though.
All the best with your pregnancy smile

WhateversNotTaken Fri 24-May-13 10:57:28

Wow Eleanor that's so interesting. That's how I feel. When DSD touches me I feel repulsed and want to recoil. I feel absolutely awful about it, but it's reflexive. I don't have any control over it.

What a weird side-effect of pregnancy.

Sanity, you're right i think it is a protection thing. And I definitely feel vulnerable in a way I never have done before. To be honest I'm very scared about the future - recent redundancy, shitty timing - and I'm quite stressed. I just feel like I want DP all to myself to hold my hand while I'm feeling crap. Selfish I know.

sanityseeker75 Fri 24-May-13 11:19:20

Not selfish because you are bothered by how you feel smile

Branleuse Fri 24-May-13 11:45:52

when i was pregnant with dd, i couldnt bear the smell of ds2

needaholidaynow Fri 24-May-13 15:45:12

I totally get how you feel OP. I think it is definitely to do with those hormones! I felt like this too, although I had DS2 12 weeks ago now and still feeling the same way about DSD. I don't think it's that I am worried about her hurting him or anything (DS1 has done that!), I think it's more I cannot tolerate all of the little things that bug me about her. Once my hormones calm down I'll probably be ok again, but at the moment I seem to be very very down about being a stepmum.

WhateversNotTaken Fri 24-May-13 16:01:55

God I'm so relieved I'm not a monster.

Eliza22 Fri 24-May-13 16:05:35

You are NOT a monster. It's the hormones. Put a brave face on but also, take time for yourself. It's acceptable to do this anyway but especially when pregnant. Think of it as more time for your partner and his daughter to spend time just the two of them.

When you've had your baby this little girl will make a wonderful step sister, I'm sure of it!

beth27123 Sat 25-May-13 08:44:14

(relaxes) I'm not alone on this then. I'm currently sat at home being texted by OH about how excited the kids are to see me (they don't know yet and won't for a while) but...theres nothing, I was so close to the three of them but we had a weekend off last week and I feel totally distanced even though I missed them so much through the week.

tigerrose Tue 11-Jun-13 16:05:20

I felt the same through pregnancy - problem is I feel bad because now my otherhalf some times prioritises the stepson over our daughter and those feelings come racing back. Sadly I dont think that they ever really go away. I just try to be fair as I know that he will be her only sibling growing up. but it is hard as you do want the best for yours and there is that element that will never go. All I can say is keep it supressed as it will not do you any favours if it comes out.

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