I have posted here many times about my DSD 12. Most recently because of her eating problems. Mumsnet has helped me resolve many issues but this one is more of a hypothetical question.
DP and I are TTC our first together. We live in a 2 bed house with no plan of moving in the near future at all. The house is a new build and designed with one master bedroom and a second designed for two children.
DSD has reduced the amount she sleeps with us to one night a week, she comes over 3/4 nights but as we live a 2 min walk from her mums she would rather sleep there to avoid the constant back and forth for school stuff.
Anyhow if we are lucky and have a baby would it be fair to have a baby in her bedroom (after the first 6 months obviously) with such a huge age gap or would it be terribly unfair considering she will be a teenager? Or does it depend on the sex of said hypothetical baby?
Spot on Petal and Redhen. There are two children- one who doesn't really stay anymore and already has her OWN bedroom at mum's, and one that will be at yours obviously every single day and night, with no bedroom of their own if they have to share or the bedroom continues to be DSD's room.
I can see people's point that there is still plenty of time to go yet. Once you become pregnant, there is then another 9 months to wait, plus the amount of time baby is in your room with you. Then after that the decision is down to you.
There will come a time though when they are old enough, when your own child starts to wonder why their sister has 2 bedrooms and they don't have one of their own. I think a sofa bed in the bedroom will be a good idea, where it can be folded away when DSD isn't there and it can be your child's bedroom, and then on the odd occasion when she stays there is somewhere for her to sleep. Or if she doesn't want to share with a small child, could the sofa bed fit in your living room?
I love all of your ideas. It probably would be possible to convert out bedroom into two rooms if we added a new window and maybe swap around so they both have small rooms. It might be the case that DSD decides she wants to come and stay full time, or decides she doesn't want to stay at all, I don't mind which it is.
However I could conceive and realise its triplets and then that would be funny!!!
I like the thought of her coming up with a solution herself although she can be a teeny bit selfish so I can't see that happening. We are actively TTC and have a good feeling about this month! We will see DSD is just my main priority so will do whatever I need to to make sure that she still feels at home.
Her older sister has an incline that we are TTC (not DP's daughter) and didn't seem the slightest bit worried so I may be overreacting to nothing and it will all be alright on the night!
I was 13 when my half sister was born and there was no question of my dad and DSM turning 'my' room into the baby's room. It was redecorated and once she was out of my parents's room I sometimes slept in the same room with her and sometimes on a sofa bed in the sitting room. It was never questioned and made perfect sense to me - I had my own room at my mum's house.
I'm in a situation now though where I'm expecting DC2 and have 2 older DSSs. At the moment my DS and both DSSs have a room each (4 bedrooms) - obviously this will change when DC2 comes along and it makes more sense to me to have DS share his room rather than make the DSSs share together. DP thinks otherwise and wants the little ones in a room of their own and DSSs share as they're not here all of the time and have their own rooms at their mum's.
I think honestly she'll just take it in her stride and will be fine sharing, especially if you all have a close relationship. Although if you have more than 1 child you may need to think what you will do longterm.
We were in a similar situation years ago. Although my DSD lived with us. We were in a 2 bedroom house and DSD had her own room. When I had dd1 she was in with us until she was 3 and a half. TBH though our bedroom was massive, and we were able to give her half and we had half. When I became pregnant with dd2 we knew we'd have to move things around, as we couldn't afford to move at the time. DSD moved into the big master bedroom and shared with dd1. There's 10 years between them and DSD was 13 at the time. We moved into the smaller bedroom and when dd2 was born she was in with us. Eventually when dd2 was 19 months we were able to move to a 3 bedroom house and DSD was able to have her own room again whilst dds 1 and 2 shared. (It was great to finally get our own room back after 5 years of sharing of with kids).
I think DSD did find it a bit of PITA to share with dd1 as dd1 was only 3 and went to bed at 8pm. Which meant DSD couldn't go upstairs and sit in her room all night, or have friends over and sit upstairs. We tried to get around it by allowing her to have friends sleeping over once a week and putting dd1 in with us when they did. And letting her have full reign of the PC of an evening. (Before we were an individual laptop family).
But it was different for us as DSD lived with us, so it was 7 days a week. With your DSD it's only 1 night a week so I can't really see it being a problem.
Yea DSD and I are really close. She's very open and honest with me about her feelings and I know I could talk to her about it with no problem if it becomes anything more then hypothetical.
I think it's harder as even though she only stays once a week she is round here most days even if its just a few minutes to have a drink or something. We are very relaxed about when she stays as we do feel that with loving so close to each other it is her own choice and there are times when she stays that she decides she will stay for a second night and sometimes a third, we never say no if she wants to stay round.
But she really does love babies so I know she will be happy if it ever does happen. Thanks for all the help, I can always rely on the step-parenting board
If you are that close hun I would sit down and talk to her.
My dsd is 7 and when baby arrives and we move (currently in 1 bed flat) she will prob have to share a room with her sister. We have talked about it with her nand she is fine about it. Obv if we find we can afford conversion or a bigger house then all 3 kids will get their own room but unfortunately needs must.