Anyone have any advice please?

(11 Posts)

I am a SM to a 5 year old little girl, she is fab and we all get along very well when she is with us (except the normal 5 year old tantrums sometimes). Her DF and I are married and have been together for 3 years, DH and DH's ex were split for a while before I met him.

Anyway, we are expecting our first DC in a couple of weeks and are very excited. I am just looking for some advice on how to make sure that DSD doesn't feel left out when the new baby comes as I want her to feel like she is just as much a part of our family even though she splits her time between her mum's and ours.

We talk to her about the baby now and she seems excited and is desperate for a sister (god help us if she gets a brother!) so all ok at the moment, but after reading other threads on here I'm
A bit worried about after the baby is born confused

Anyone been in this situation and have any advise?

Thanks smile

cjel Sat 27-Apr-13 09:14:50

Haven't been where you are ,but wanted to say congratulations, keep including her and can you take her to scans, get baby stuff when shes with you,come to hospital to see you after birth etc? just do what you can to keep her excitment going I think - but don't worry if she wobbles after the birth!! normal to have anxious thoughs at that age!!xx

EMS23 Sat 27-Apr-13 09:32:39

My DSS was 7 when DD1 was born and was also very excited etc..
I could go on and on with my do's and don'ts but for me, the most important one was to let him hold her etc.. Even though sometimes my heart was in my mouth, worrying he'd drop her etc..
He was also quite rough and tumble with her which (with supervision) was good I think. He enjoyed her more.
I let him feed her the occasional bottle, even though I was worrying about him doing it wrong.

And don't be surprised if she gets a bit 'babyish' for a little while. It's a common sibling reaction and DSS wanted lots of cuddles from DH & I and would often climb on me while I was feeding!

He also wanted to know and be told often that his new sister definitely loved him the most and often asked for him when he was at his mums. Even though she was a teeny baby and clearly couldn't talk!! He still believes she could say his name from day 1!!

Congrats and good luck for a speedy labour and healthy baby.

parttimer79 Sat 27-Apr-13 12:07:55

Sorry if this is a hijack but I am in a similar position, have 2 DSCs and we have not told them yet about the baby. DSD is only 3 so not sure she will even understand but DSS is 5 and having been a bit more challenging with his behaviour lately we are a bit worried he will not be pleased!
He is however lovely with his little sis so that is reassuring.
We are worried he will struggle with the little one seeing daddy all the time when he doesn't - has anyone dealt with this?

Thanks for the advice smile yes we let her pick stuff out for us to buy for the baby and involved her picking names so fingers crossed it all goes well!

cjel Sat 27-Apr-13 18:37:56

Part. tell them asap. If you hide it they will think its something bad. My dd was on the bed with the next door neighbours child 'pushing the baby out' at 3, don't underestimate what they know.xx

parttimer79 Sun 28-Apr-13 18:41:55

Telling them on Sat - wish me luck!

cjel Sun 28-Apr-13 19:33:10

Luck!!XXXX

planeticketplease Sun 28-Apr-13 21:38:56

In the later stages of my pregnancy I used to get dsd (then 3) to talk to the baby through cupped hands on my stomach. She used to tell baby what her day had been like, what toys she wanted to show the baby, what their bedroom was like etc. It really got dsd in the space of looking forward to the baby arriving and starting to view it as a sibling. There were some displacement issues about no longer being the youngest but has gradually started loving the role of older sister. The (slightly) older dsc took it all in their stride and just loved my dd from the day she was born. None have never used the term half sister, to them she is a full sibling and is loved (and hated sometimes!) accordingly.

Also my step dad took loads of photo's of the dsc holding the newborn baby and then got the photos printed and bound in little books for each dsc. They loved it and still have them.

Personally I have never had any problems with the dsc and dd bonding. When she was a baby they vied to be the one to make her laugh, crawl around the house next to her etc, it was lovely to watch! DD's arrival actually cemented our 'family' ties in a way i didn't expect. To the dsc I am their sisters mother, and therefore a proper part of their family. Our joy at/love of the new baby became common ground.

The only advice I would give (other than not to worry too much) is regarding the fragility with which dsc may see their role in a new baby's life. One of my dsc (age around 9 at the time) told me one day with tears in his eyes that he was sad because I could leave and take my his sister (my dd) with me, and they would never see her again. That stunned me as it had never occurred to me that they worried so much about this and felt so scared of losing their sister. It has made me much more aware of the powerlessness children often feel within step families.

Anyway, good luck with everything OP and part, I hope you'll be fine.

parttimer79 Mon 13-May-13 17:53:03

Thanks for the luck.
It seemed like it went ok. Then DPs ex told us that DSS went home and said "now Part is having a baby she will have company so Daddy can come home" - they spilt nearly 3 years ago so really wasn't expecting that.
looks like we have a long way to go yet... sad

BabyHMummy Mon 13-May-13 21:06:53

newlywed have similar situation although dsc's are 7 & 9..we are planning the following

1 gifts from baby to the kids
2 disposable camera or cheap digital for them to take their own pics
3 we have done and planning lots of day trips and adventures in run up to focus on them inc London at 7 months pg...yes I am mad
4 make sure they are allowed to.hold, cuddle, feed etc. Dss has vito'd changing nappies although dsd is insisting on trying to
5 planning a family photo shoot with new baby
6 my sister has been awesome and even though she had never met them, she asked them to be page boy and flower girl at her wedding in Oct so they have something special to be involved in that baby won't really be.

Just try as hard ad you can to involve her and keep life normal for her. If she likes books keep a stack of her favs nr where u feed baby so you can read together whole you bf or ft so she feels involved and like she is getting Ur attention

Hth

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