Me and OH been together 6yrs. Been living together for 5ys. His Daughter was introduced to me and fitted in straight away. I have a DD the same age and they have got on brilliantly. We moved house when me and partner moved in together so that DSD would have her own bedroom and a fresh start for everyone.
Over the years Exwife has been very controlling. About 4 yrs ago it was made very clear to me what I could and couldn't do with her and I have taken all this on board for a happy life. Things have got worse - I am not allowed to give opinions, I tried to support her with Maths as she is struggling but was told to stop. Ex wife complained to OH that I have looked in her school book recently ( I did as I am interested how she is doing only looked, not to comment)
DSD was coming every other weekend Fri to Mon morning but since Sept this has changed to every 3 weekends and back Sun eve. When OH has shown any dissatisfaction over this new arrangement he has been told he is not putting his daughter first and this is what SHE wants. In my opinion Ex has always used OH as a child minding service when she is working. Have her on a Wed night but when Ex not working Oh gets a text saying 'you don't have to have her as I am not working' Again when challenged we are told we are not putting DSD first and thinking what is best for her.
DSD has been tense whilst visiting, texting her Mum all the time including lies about situations. The other weekend the 2 girls had an argument where I didn't give DSD the right response she wanted to hear so she carried on and said she hated me and had no respect for me and brought up a list of things she is not happy about which are all history, she could not say what has happened recently to make her unhappy coming. Since this Ex wife made a big fuss, To try and make thinks better I have sent her an email asking again what needs to be changed to make DSD visits as pleasant as possible.
This Fri OH went to pick her up to be told she never wants to come again, she has never wanted to be part of another family and only done is to please Dad. She wants things to go back to how they used to be and just see Dad. Ex wife thinks that all should be done to give DSD what she wants.
Practically I can't see how this can work. OH has no family near by so it is not as if he can pick her up and take her to visit someone else. How can he entertain an 11yr old girl for a day on a regular basis.
I feel gutted that a girl of this age can say they don't want anything to do with me and my DD after 6 years, I have bent over backwards to make things easy for her but I have just been pushed further and further away. OH is in a right state as he doesn't know what to do. As one of my work colleagues has just said to me should an 11yr have that decision to make and where does OH stand legally.
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Step-parenting
11yr old given the right to decide not to visit anymore
12 replies
kalpamum · 22/04/2013 15:08
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