I've name changed for this as I'm expecting to get flamed and I'd like to be able to come back here as this board is a real lifeline for me.
DP and I are TTC at the moment. It looks like I might have some fertility issues and it may take longer than we thought.
DP's ex can't really be bothered with DSD and we have her most of the time. Her mum likes to wheel her out for family occasions and then give her back to us once the spotlight's off her amazing mothering skills.
Anyway, I just feel really really pissed off that DP had a child with this horrible woman who's not even that bothered. When I desperately want his child and can't.
It doesn't seem fair. And the bit I'm most ashamed of is it affects how I feel about DSD. It's like her presence is rubbing my face in that fact that DP can have children with other women that aren't me.
I know how bad that sounds. That's why I've name changed and it's why I'm saying it here. Anonymously. Because I would never tell anyone in RL how I felt because I know it's terrible. I just need to get it out.
My yearning for a child has turned me a bit crazy I think. And finding out recently that we may have trouble conceiving has tipped me over the edge of reason. I'm having more and more thoughts like this and I know it's not okay.
I can't be the only person to have felt like this. To have felt jealous that their DP had children with another woman? I'm starting to feel resentful at paying half for everything for DSD like holidays and food and stuff. I know it's wrong. I paid for half of her ski holiday. If we were a family I wouldn't bat an eyelid. Why do I feel like this? I'm miserable. How can I change?
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Do you ever wish your DP didn't have DCs with another woman?
39 replies
hatemyselfmostofthetime · 16/04/2013 21:41
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