Hi all, this may be a tad long...
Thanks for all support in the past. Going through a tricky phase with dh!
Dsc and ds (teens and preteen) are fine, dss settling nicely into his 50:50 routine (weve been together nearly 4 yrs), no worries there atm.
Dh and I have been going to couple counseling for a while, it just seems the more problems we're trying to solve the more pop up.
I was happy to have dss move in as we now seem to have a fairer system, my ds lives with us, sees his dad eow. The boys get on great.
Typical jaw dropper for me: before shopping, we engaged the kids to suggest evening meals we all enjoy, I had cooked different things for ds and myself as lp, same as dh. Then dh gets in a strop with my ds for not liking all the meals he cooks, which dss enjoys. Ds then suggests a meal he likes but then dss says he hates that, but that's not a problem apparently.
And today at breakfast with dss dh asks him if we are stocking all the food he likes? Would he care for something else maybe???
I don't mind indulging kids, mine was always a fussy eater so I'm used to going that bit further to make them happy.
What I don't get is the mounting snarky behaviour towards my ds.
Dh has taught dss to be a tattletale (just like himself, )this usually involves incriminating ds for incredibly mild infringements I would not blink at. Thankfully this has not impaired the boys friendship.
I realized early on I would be the one to parent ds, excusing dh lack of real empathy because he could not parent his kids as much as he wanted.
Fair enough, I disengage, or try to, when his kids need discipline (but as they are his kids they are perfect anyway and so don't need this..).
I know this reads as pretty paltry stuff, but tension is mounting.
Dss wants his own room now as he sleeps in a kind of anteroom to ds bedroom, with a secluded corner for bed etc. which is bigger than ds room and used to be the playroom. Again, fair enough. He wants the room we use as guest room and which his sister (16) uses when visiting (I choose this word because she has issues, will never move in here and is away as an exchange student atm). Dh totally against this as may insult dsd, the favored child of both parents and burdened with the entitlement that comes with it.
I'm also happy to build an extension, but dh initial plan shows a really nice room for dss and an awkward setup for ds. It's to that we will be using this, it's his frame of mind that I baulk at!
I'm speechless.
It seems to me the more counseling shows he needs to modify his selfish behaviour, the more he acts out against ds. Unconsciously perhaps. Or, how much more am I going to complain about before its obvious I'm the bitch and he's the pussywhipped victim of his own good nature?
I have no family anymore to talk to, friends already suggested counseling, which we are doing. Thanks for reading!
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At a loss with dh, whatever next?
11 replies
Celticcat · 15/04/2013 07:50
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