I've banged on about this on here before so sorry for repeating myself.
DP has DSD 50:50. But in fact we have her with us way more than that because her mum is always pissing off to parties with her new boyfriend.
So let's say it's more like 60:40.
Anyway, DP always agrees to have DSD for extra nights without checking with me first. It's not that I don't want her there for those extra nights. It's just that I want the courtesy of having a say in what's happening in my own home rather than just being told.
DP thinks I'm BU because I should know that he'll always say yes to extra days so what's the point in even mentioning it to me beforehand. Because if he ever felt I didn't want DSD there or wanted to stop him from seeing DSD where had an opportunity to do so, he'd end the relationship with me anyway.
How can I explain to him that I just hate not knowing what he's agreeing to without consulting me?
This weekend DSD was supposed to be with her mum but she's got a party on Friday got so she asked DP to have DSD. DP said yes, but only if he can have her during the day on Saturday too.
Now he comes home tonight and it turns out we're having DSD on the Saturday night too. I knew nothing of this. Even though we don't have any specific plans I'm still pissed off that he's presented me with this fair accompli.
It's not about whether DSD is here or not, it's about the not involving me in the plans.
"dsd is as much a part of our family as my own children"
Well that's the crux of the matter in some cases though. In my DSSs' case, the way they live their lives inreality is that they are very much notallowed to be part of our family.
So for any member of our permanent household, we will have a say over who is in when, what the arrangements are, what is happening any particular day/weekend. If my son is going to be doing something on a weekend, I can ascertain what impact that will have on family plans and accomodate it. DSSs or their mother give us no such notice. For DSSs we have so such say because there whereabouts is completely controlled by their mother. So taking emotions out of it and looking at it in practical terms it's simply not the same as my "own children". There is no 3rd party deliberately making life difficult for me with respect to my own child