My Jealousy & Paranoia(107 Posts)
I have been with my DP for 11 months now. He has DD who is 2 and a DS who is 9 months. We and my boyfriend were going out for nearly 3 months when his DS was born. Everything is amicable with his ex and have ni rela problems. The problem lies with me. I have never wanted children and was okay that my DP had a girl and a boy on the way cos i thought he wouldnt need any more children if hes got one of each.
And now its the opposite. For the past couple of month ive realised i want children and the fact that he has a boy ang a girl spoilts it for me. In the future Im going to have his third kid, his 2nd boy or girl. its not going to be special at all. His going to do everything with his two before mine. When mine come along it wont be nothing new and exciting to him. Its driving us apart.Please help
Oh, also I have not been dumped since I was seventeen, but I have seen a lot of my friends tolerate "nice guys"who really are not at all nice, as their behavior demonstrates. Nice guys do nice things. Nice guys treat people nicely. Nice guys do not impregnate someone they don't love and intend to leave.
Isn't it a little worrying how many girls don't realise this? That, to them, "nice" means "loves me"? That it doesn't matter how he has treated everyone else who has ever crossed his path, they are "different" and what they have is "special" and he will definitely "change"?
It is something that repeats constantly on mumsnet, it's worth researching.
I think the fact that he stuck around after getting his ex pg and tried to make it work even though he didnt really love her says that he is a decent guy. Lets not forget that his ex manipulated him too.
The relationship with his ex isn't the issue though. He is a good dad. He will be a good dad to the OPs children too. The issue is how she is feeling now.
Colditz you are being judgemental and harsh - all she wanted was advice on how she's feeling not a character assassination of her DP.
I know old thread is old now, but I just wanted to say to Edna, I know how you feel and it is a horrible feel. With my ex I felt the same but not just about kids, it got so bad I refused to even go places he'd been with an ex because he'd already 'been there, done that' (in my mind). He just didn't get it because (like your DP) he never loved this other girl (and was honest to her about that). So then I felt horrible for feeling so 'stupid' and irrational, which made me worry more, which made me feel even worse, etc etc until I ended up really seriously ill mentally. I also ended up driving us apart, something which part of me will always regret.
I was 23 when I got with him, 25 when we broke up, so around your age. If you want, try to go to your GP and get them to refer you to a therapist for some CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) maybe. It might help put things in perspective, then you can enjoy your time with your DP as you should be.
And feel free to PM me if you like, no judgement here
Colditz did I say I was going to have a baby yet??!! I don't want kids for a long time and have never stated I do. U obviously live a sheltered life. The amount of men these days which are only with their wives/girlfriend's because of their children is unreal as is the amount of women that are with men for security money and family life. The both of them were as bad as eachother both were young ans using eachother but it was his ex that decided she wanted to bring another innocent child into the horrendous relationship by lying to him saying she was on the pill! !
OP - some posters on here will always be 100% determined that everything is the man's fault, even where the woman has lied and connived to get what she wants - still the man's fault.
I know alltakes two. Women can be manipulating and try to use their children to get one they want. My dp wanted to leave the relationship for a while but he couldn't bribg hinself to leave his daughter so he tried to make it work but then she stopped taking the pill again and got pregnant. She lied and manipulated but I guess colditz just doesn't realise it and thinks everything is the mans fault. I know my dp is a decent man and I know that he loves me as he did not love her. He did not treat his ex badly it was mutual decision she had said herself that she had 'went about things the wrong way'. if he did have treated her badly then things would definitely not be amicable between them two let alone myself and his ex and I think people need to realise that fact.
Oh no it couldn't possibly be the woman's fault ever. Because all women are poor innocent little souls that are completely hard done by.
And all men are knobs and arseholes who treat women and their children like a piece of crap.
Two very inaccurate judgements there.
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