DSD (soon to be 8) lives with me and DH full time. She sees her mum maybe once every 3 weeks, it's very sporadic, always last minute and we never hear from her in between.
I know that this is wrong and I will probably be shot down in flames but I do see myself as her mother and it upsets me so much when she is so let down. She has come back today after staying the night tired and emotionally run out.
I asked mum to meet me at a halfway point today, rather than driving the whole way to her house. (DH is at work), I took my MIL as we were going off shopping after to buy stuff for DSD's bday party. MIL went to look for DSD and mum whilst I parked car, and when I found them, I walked in to mum bitching about me in front of DSD about how unreasonable I am to expect her to meet me halfway... she never mentioned anything about it being inconveinient when I asked her.
Now DSD has come home and is completely mummy-fied, asking to call her, text her, crying for her. We get these days occasionally but I find them really difficult to deal with. I know these are my own issues and obviously I just give her and hug and let her contact her mum etc.
I'm not really sure what the point of this post is but I just feel so upset today. I'm stressing about the birthday party too, as I know how awkward it will be when mum comes to our house for the party that I've organised, with the mums and children who know me..
I should point out that I am 6 months pg and know this is the hormones, but since being pregnant I've felt even more irrationally towards her because I just can't understand how she could have handed over her baby and how she can continue to let her down so badly.
Oh I'll hold your hand. You should be so proud that DSD has such a great role model in you. As a fellow SM with DSS's (5 and 6) whose birthmum has not been seen for 2.5 years, the only advice I can give is just don't even try to understand how they can just give up their children so easily. To the vast majority of us, there is just no way of making sense of it. It is not nice to deal with the emotional rollercoaster thanks to BM's sporadic visits, that's one thing I am glad we no longer have to put up with.
When DSD pines for her mum, it doesn't mean she loves you any less. Just hold onto that.