Step family problems

[Charley1968]

I am the mum of 4 - 2 young kids with current husband and 2 teenagers with first husband. As a couple we have had a difficult time and he recently left home. He has lived with us for 12 years but now says he can't live with the older 2 they get on his nerves. He really lost his temper withy 17 yr old son. He says they are a pain and I don't sort things out and nothing changes. They are typical teenagers they are actually good kids. But he moans at me and really slags them off to me. He says they are rude have faces like a slapped arse etc What can I do ??

[Beamur]

Is he trying to make you choose between him and your older children?

[Charley1968]

I don't think so. He is just intolerable of them yet has lived with them since they were 4 and 5 they are now 17 and 18. He finds hem irritating now and says quite hurtful things. Did say he can't live at with them there. But I think that was a knee jerk reaction. He left after he incident when he got aggressive wig the 17 year old

[flurp]

Good riddance to him then!
He has know. These kids for 12 and now doesn't like them?
He sounds like a spoilt brat to me!

[flurp]

He has known these kids for 12 years

Is what I meant to say

[Charley1968]

I actually think because they are now more opinionated and think they it all ( like most teenagers) he can't deal wih that. I think they actually annoy him cos they exist. It's just a poor excuse to the fact he's having a mid life crisis. If it comes to choosing then they win evey time. He had so much to lose. He really is a selfish pig and an idiot !!

[Beamur]

I have teen step kids myself.
Your DH is being pretty immature about this - teens can be difficult at times, but it is part of growing up - they must be finding his behaviour unpleasant too.
I admit to quite looking forward to the day that my step kids leave home, but I'm not pushing them to go - I'd hate for them to feel unwelcome or disliked in their own home.
I'm at a loss to suggest what to do - but I think you're spot on to put the kids first.

[Laughslikeadrain]

Me too, dh can also be a tad abusive in that he clearly favors own kids over mine. Nothing too obvious, but we are not idiots, right? We re both going to counseling sessions atm, will forward useful info asa available. Funnily, he seems to be digging his hole deeper as I write... Complete and utter narcissist as it turns out, sometimes takes years for their facade to crumble. Unfortunately, his dc are similarly blessed and I'm close to burn out.
Take care of yourself OP, your kids need you, [bisbuit]

[Laughslikeadrain]

Sorry,

[Fairy130389]

Agree with Flurp. Good riddance. They are teenagers. Teenagers are difficult, and obnoxious. and angry.
You laugh and remember when you were like that.
You don't ask your wife to kick them out, and you certainly don't sit there and slag them off. He has been their parent since they were tiny, he has to take the rough with the smooth.
He sounds delightful.

[NotaDisneyMum]

It sounds like he's blaming the problems in your marriage on your teens rather than accept any responsibility for the difficulties you are having.

Have you been to counselling and discussed it? If you don't share parenting values then its possible that he feels that you should be harder on them when they disrespect him - after all, he has undoubtedly contributed to their lives over the years.

If he's being a petulant child about it, then there's not a lot you can do - you both have to be prepared to express your own views and listen to each others in a mature adult way for your relationship to survive.